The Angel Falls
by Megareader25
Summary: When Bella is diagnosed with a life-threatening disease, Edward is heartbroken. As they embark together on a bigger fight than they ever could've imagined, they will find that sometimes life's twists and turns can knock you down and keep you there.
1. Chapter 1

**_Author's Note: Okay. So, I really need to just sit down one day and finish at least ONE of these stories because I'm getting in over my head! But I can't help it…new ideas just come to me! So far my stories—with the exception of the one poem—have been pretty up-tempo so-to-speak. Not anymore! This is coming from some personal experience, mostly just the circumstances and reactions and such, but I hope you like it! Read this and let me know what you think…I love hearing from you!_**

Disclaimer: I own nothing too great, at least not compared to Stephenie Meyer's genius works. But I do have this story…and I'm not sure exactly how that will be received…but whatever! Enjoy!

**Prologue**

The room was stark white—the only "decorations" adorning the walls were posters of mucus and germs. Exactly what someone who was already nauseous wanted to be stuck staring at.

No. This was probably the farthest from the place I wanted to be. It was Friday, which was one plus, I suppose, because I now had a three-day weekend. On the other hand, it meant a day away from Edward. Which, when I really thought about it, made everything completely worse.

Dr. Sanders walked into the room and shut the door behind him. Charlie sat beside the bed on a cold, ugly, uncomfortable-looking chair. He stiffened when the doctor sighed. "Well, Bella. We ran some tests. And I'm sorry, but…"

I didn't listen from there on. I just…I couldn't. I had no idea what he was going to say, but I knew with everything in me that I didn't want to hear it.

My thoughts kept traveling back to Edward. I couldn't be sick…because that would mean leaving the best thing in my life. It would mean…_dying_, while Edward lived on.

Or worse, him dying, too.

That whole in my chest, the one that I thought had gone away forever the night Edward returned to me, opened up suddenly and with a vengeance. Pain coursed through me, making my vision blurry and hazy. I distantly heard Charlie call my name, though as much as I wanted to, I couldn't answer him. No, all I could do was picture Edward's perfect face in my mind. I knew how much this would kill him, whatever this was.

The pain worsened to an unimaginable level, a level impossibly enough it hadn't reached before, and then everything went black.


	2. Chapter 2

Author's Note: Thanks so much for all of the kind reviews! You really have no idea how much I appreciate them! Here's the longer chapter that was requested…I wasn't exactly sure how to start it off after the prologue, but I went in this direction, so I hope you all enjoy it! R&R, please!

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer's world is the inspiration for this story…I just try to capture some of her genius!

Chapter 1- The News

Charlie and I drove home in silence. I was still reeling from the doctor's news…I was dying! Barely eighteen, not even out of high school yet…and my life was nearly over.

"Can you drop me at Edward's, Dad?" I asked finally. "I think I need to speak to him alone." Charlie looked at me and grabbed my hand. "Don't you want to come home? Rest? Wait for Renee and Phil to get here?" I closed my eyes. "I'll be doing a lot of sitting at home in the near future, Dad. I'd like to get out while I can, if you don't mind." He didn't mind. In fact, I think he totally understood. I watched as his eyes filled up and he nodded once.

Then the silence fell again.

It was another fifteen minutes before we pulled up to the massive Cullen home. Suddenly, my legs were weak, and my heart was beating rapidly in my chest. I turned to my father and offered a weak smile. "I'll call you when I'm on my way home, okay?" Charlie stared at me for a moment before saying, "Bells, you don't have to do this now." I looked up when the front door opened and Edward smiled at me. I sighed. "Yes, I do." With a small wave, I got out of the car, and turned to watch my father make his way down the tree-laden driveway.

Now the hard part.

Edward's smile disappeared from his face when he saw the look on mine. I knew then he'd kept his promise: I had asked him not to read Charlie's mind when I got back today. I knew that whatever this was, he would have to hear it from me. I didn't want it to come second-hand from inside my father's head.

He looked past me, to make sure Charlie was far enough away, and was at my side the next second. "What's the matter? How was your appointment?" It took everything I had to look into his beautiful topaz eyes. "Can we go somewhere?" I whispered. "I can't do this here."

Edward's composure caved in before my very eyes. I had never seen anything like that in the year I'd known him. One second, he had looked worried, but hopeful. And the next…the hope had disappeared from his form. There was nothing left in his eyes but fear.

He picked me up, cradling me against his chest like a small child, and he took off.

I knew where we were going, and though I didn't want the meadow to be plagued with this memory, I couldn't think of anywhere else to tell him.

We made it in record time, and Edward slowly sank to the ground. Leaning against one of the massive tree trunks, he said, "What's happened?"

"It wasn't the flu," I whispered finally. "The fever, the vomiting, the fatigue…it wasn't just the flu." "What was it, then?" I sighed. "It is…leukemia."

The breath shot out of him like it would if a human had been punched in the stomach. "Leukemia?" he said, his voice coarse and fear dripped from his words. "How could they possibly know? You only had the tests three days ago!" I nodded against his chest. "That's more than adequate time, Edward. My lymph nodes and liver were swollen on Tuesday, so they took a blood test. And my white blood cell count was high and the hemoglobin level was low. That was enough to get them worried. So they sent me to have a bone marrow biopsy and a spinal tap, just in case. See," I said, grabbing his hand. "I still have the bandages on." I lifted the elastic on my pants so he could feel the gauze on my hip. "And the other one is on my lower back." I sat up and lifted the hem of my shirt.

His cool hand touched the gauze lightly and then pulled me back down into his arms. "That's why you didn't come home Tuesday night. Not because Charlie was too tired to make the trip, but because you needed to stay so they could monitor you after the tests." I nodded, but said nothing more. "I can't believe Alice didn't see this," he said after a moment, so low that if the wind had been blowing I would have missed it.

I sighed. "I asked her not to look. I didn't want to know until it was absolutely necessary, and I made her promise that if she did see anything, she couldn't say something to you. This had to come from me." Edward kissed the top of my head. "Well, what's next? Chemotherapy? Bone marrow transplant? We'll find donors…" "Edward," I interrupted. "It's not as simple as that. The leukemia—it's called Acute Myeloid Leukemia. With all acute leukemia, the symptoms appear quickly and get worse quickly. We're going to treat it, but even with the chemo and transplants…no one can say for sure how much time I've got left."

Edward's arms formed in impenetrable hold around me, and I did my best to snuggle closer. "So we'll treat it," Edward said finally. "I'll find you the best doctors in the world and you'll beat this. You're young, healthy. I'm sure Carlisle could pull some strings. He's got connections from all over." I sat up and turned to face him. For a long time, we just sat there, locked in the gaze of the other. "I don't want you to get your hopes up." He looked at me like I'd grown another head. "You…I mean you're not giving up? You can beat this, Bella! You're one of the strongest creatures I've ever come across. If vampires can't touch you, a human disease should be nothing! Why are you speaking like that?"

I leaned forward and touched a hand to his cheek. He turned his nose into my palm and breathed deeply. "I can't lose you," he said finally. "I won't survive eternity without you."

Though I tried my hardest to push it back, a huge tear spilled from my eye. And after that, the rest began to fall. "You will never lose me," I said, with more conviction that I felt.

A tearless sob escaped from my strong, invincible vampire, and his arms wound around me again. As Edward's cold hand came to rest on my bandage, the minor pain I still felt from the spinal tap disappeared.

We sat there for over an hour, doing what we could to comfort each other, but knowing all along that this was simply the beginning of the race.

The hardest part had yet to come.

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I hope I didn't disappoint anyone! I wasn't sure how long to make it or how to end it, but this is what I came up with! I'll do my best to update again tomorrow, or maybe even later tonight. I have more research to do first!

Speaking of, the website I found this information in this chapter and other information I have yet to use concerning Acute Myeloid Leukemia is:

and review if you get a chance! I'd love to hear your thoughts on this and future chapters!

Thanks as always,

Megareader25


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: Twilight is not mine…some people have all the luck! However, this story came from my own mind…however weird that might be!

**Chapter 2- Only Human**

"Why didn't you call me?" Edward asked after a few moments. "I would have come with you. I would have raced to the hospital to be with you." I nodded. "I know. And that's why I couldn't do it. Edward, I love you. You know that. But this…there isn't anything you can do for me, baby. This is a disease, and though vampires have made many things happen for me, I understand and accept that this is a battle I will be fighting on my own."

"It doesn't have to be that way!" Edward exclaimed. "There's got to be something we can do. Vampires are mythological creatures, for heaven sakes. We've walked this earth for centuries and I can't believe that someone doesn't know some way to get rid of a measly disease!"

I kissed his neck and his voice faded. "I would never ask that of you. You know that." "You wouldn't be asking," Edward growled. "I would be doing this for you. And if you wouldn't accept it on those grounds, I'd be doing it for myself as well. I'm much too selfish to spend eternity without you."

"I'm not going anywhere!" I said. "I promise you that! I told you that I will fight this and that wasn't a lie. Whatever the doctors say, my future isn't etched in stone. I will beat this, Edward, but more than that, I want to beat it. Strength…well, most times it comes from somewhere deep inside us, a place that only seems to awaken when we're at our breaking point. If breaking is what it takes for me to beat this, then shatter me, Edward. I'm going to beat this…because I don't want you to spend eternity here without me."

I was crying freely now, so much that I was embarrassed. Edward's arms wound around me again and he held me for a while.

"We should probably head back to your house," I whispered finally. "I need to tell your family." "And we'll speak to Carlisle. He will know someone somewhere who can help or put us in contact with someone who can help."

I should have told him to remember that though the term didn't really apply, he was only human. The meaning said enough.

I couldn't stand the thought of him getting his hopes up to have them…thrown away if something went wrong.

I was only human, too.

Edward stood up again, holding me tight. He kissed the top of my head before taking off.

The wind felt amazing on my face, and though there were times when being unable to make out the distinct shapes of the trees made me nervous, but right now, having something that I knew would never change gave me comfort. I knew that for as long as I lived, and even after that, whenever Edward ran, his surroundings would be blurry. I just hoped that his memories of us would never be that way.

And I hoped that wherever I ended up, I'd be able to see to that.

"Stop thinking what you are," Edward said, never taking his eyes off the path ahead. "I cannot read your mind, Bella. But you have the most revealing eyes I have ever seen. Don't you dare become afraid. I won't lose you, love. So you're not going anywhere any time soon."

I laughed despite the situation I was in. "Your ego never ceases to amaze me." He laughed as well. I was glad I could do that for him.

"We need to speak with you all," Edward said then, and I knew he wasn't speaking to me. Just like I knew that the second we walked in the front door, each member of his family would be waiting for us. I took a deep breath. This was it.

"What's the matter, Edward?" Esme asked as soon as he had shut the door behind us.

I looked up at Edward and nodded. He hesitated for a moment, but slowly he set me to the ground. "I wanted to speak with you all together." I started. "Because this is something…that you're all going to have to hear. This afternoon, I was diagnosed with leukemia."

Esme and Carlisle gasped. Emmett's eyes were wide and even Rosalie looked shell-shocked. The only two who didn't—which, I suppose, I should have expected—was Jasper and Alice. Alice stood beside her husband, her hand squeezing his for all it was worth. Her eyes were weary, and if she had had the ability, she would have been crying.

"What type?" Carlisle asked. "Acute Myeloid Leukemia." "How did the diagnose?" "Physical exam and blood work first, followed by a spinal tap and a bone marrow biopsy." "Chemotherapy for treatment?" I nodded. "And most likely a bone marrow transplant, assuming a donor can be found." "We'll find one," Alice whispered from her spot beside Jasper. "We'll search all over, if we have to, but we will find one." Esme nodded. "That's the spirit!"

Emmett opened his mouth to say something, but then closed it again. "What?" I encouraged. He hesitated. "I'm not sure how to phrase this. Can you believe that? After all this time…I don't know what to say." I smiled. "Just say what's on your mind." Emmett sighed and wouldn't meet my eyes. "You'll be all right, though?"

It was the question no one wanted to ask, and yet the only one everyone really wanted the answer to.

"Honestly, Emmett? I don't know. With acute leukemia, the symptoms appear quickly and worsen just as fast. Treatment should, _should_, be affective, but there are never any guarantees, especially with a disease like this."

Esme stepped forward and hugged me. "We all are supporting you, sweetheart. If there is anything at all you need, please don't hesitate to ask." I smiled. "Thank you." "Who is your physician?" asked Carlisle. "Dr. Sanders was the one who diagnosed me. As for other doctors, he said he would find me the best." "Nonsense," Carlisle said, rolling his eyes. "The man is barely thirty-five years old. Consider it done. And if I'm not mistaken, the transplant alone is nearly a quarter of a million dollars." I nodded. "Charlie has great insurance through the station, though. We'll be fine." "You will," Carlisle said. "Because I am going to call in some favors. And whatever I can't have covered, we will cover."

"No, Carlisle…" "Please, Bella. Don't argue with me. We are not about to lose you. And in order to protect you, you need the best. You don't deserve anything less. I'm going to make a few calls. Excuse me."

Alice stepped forward. "I wish you hadn't asked me to keep whatever it was a secret, Bella. It was…very painful to know you were hurting and there was nothing I could do." I smiled and hugged her. "You did more than enough by doing what I asked. Thank you for that." She hugged me back as hard as she allowed herself, and then sighed. "Right. Then I'm going to do some research. You won't feel sick one single day of your chemotherapy, Bella, because I will find any and every remedy this is out there. You'll make it through this. And if the only way to do so is to threaten you with excessive shopping trips, then so be it."

I smiled. "Thank you, Alice." Rosalie walked forward and smiled softly at me. "I'm here for you, you know. Anything. Just ask." "Me as well, Bella," said Jasper. Emmett nodded vigorously. I grinned. "I appreciate it all. Thank you."

Edward grabbed my hand and we walked upstairs to his bedroom. "That wasn't easy," I said, collapsing onto the bed. "You did very well. I was impressed." "But not surprised, right?" He smiled. "Exactly right."

He sat down next to me and grabbed my hand. "Bella. I love you. More than…more than anything on this planet. You know that, don't you?" I nodded. "I am very aware of that. Why?" "I've been thinking…that maybe…if I were to change you now…we wouldn't have to leave town right away. If we could convince the werewolves that this was your only chance at survival, maybe they would even understand. That way everyone wins. You would survive and…"

I stopped him by simply putting my hand over his mouth. "You can't change me now, Edward," I whispered finally. "Then the rest of our time together would be the result of nothing more than circumstance." "That's not true!" Edward said. "You know that. I didn't think damning you to my eternity was fair, but if it's the only way to protect you…" "And that's my point! You feel you're saving me! You're not doing this for us, but just because you see no other way. And I don't want to spend eternity wondering that if I hadn't gotten sick, I would be dead."

"Don't speak like that. I love you. I refuse to sit and watch you die!" "Who says I'm dying?" I argued. "Edward, you worry too much. I love you as much as you love me, and I refuse to do that to either of us. We won't spend eternity together because some disease got in the way." "You'd rather us spend eternity _apart _because some disease got in the way?"

"Absolutely not! But we have no other options right now. Somewhere down the road, we can revisit this option. It will always be there, so that can give us both some comfort. But as much as I want that and I want you, I can't. Not now."

His bottom lip shook. It was the closest I had ever seen a vampire come to crying. "Swear to me, right now, that you won't leave me. Please."

My heart broke for him. For me. For a life I was starting to fear we'd never have.

I took his beautiful face between my hands and did my best to smile. "Edward Cullen, I promise you, from the bottom of my heart, that I will never, ever leave you."

Edward leaned forward and kissed me. I pulled away and wrapped my arms tightly around his neck. He slowly fell backward on to the bed, and together we lay there, each contemplating my promise.

And each knowing that there was a good chance I wouldn't be able to keep it.

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**So?! What's the final verdict?! I honestly hope I made you cry! I know how mean that sounds, but if I did, then I totally accomplished my mission!**

**Read and review, please! I love hearing what you think!**

**Megareader 25**


	4. Chapter 4

Author's Note: So this is the first chapter from Edward's POV. I've been debating since I posted my last chapter whether or not to write in first person or third person POV, but I decided that third person seemed to fit better. Let me know what you think!

Disclaimer: I wrote this story…who knows what that means! The story that sparked my idea, though, is credited to Stephenie Meyer!

**Chapter 3- Alive **

As Edward lay there with Bella in his arms, the tension in his shoulder continued to worsen by the moment and his resolve was weakening just ask quickly.

His Bella, the love of his existence, was slipping away.

And he had no choice but to simply sit back and wait for it that day to come.

He supposed that, unfortunately, many other humans suffered the same fate he would. But those humans weren't indestructible, weren't damned to his existence.

And they didn't have Bella.

Edward had spent over ninety years on the earth, roaming without a purpose. Each day had been spent begrudging the life circumstance had forced him into, hating the seemingly unending loneliness, wishing that he would find the happiness his brothers had found. Edward had become bitter because after so long he had actually begun to believe there wasn't anyone searching for him.

But then he'd met Bella.

Suddenly everything was different. The mornings didn't bring with them harsh realities, but instead promises of new beginnings. The anticipation of going to school and seeing her captivating smile, watching her eyes as they portrayed the beauty of her soul, made his dormant heart come to life in his chest. Because of Bella, he'd felt hope again. He'd felt love and peace and beauty.

He'd felt _life_ again.

One day, one look, one _human_, had changed him for the rest of time.

But her generosity had come at a price. Bella had been stalked by a malicious tracker and nearly murdered, and then Victoria had done her best to finish the job.

As if being with him wasn't harmful enough. As if the danger she faced _every second_ they were together wasn't risky enough. Didn't having the universe against them suffice? Provide enough trouble for her lifetime? The other vampires out there insisted on making things harder?

But as he thought about it, Edward decided he would take all vampires, all werewolves, and whomever else was out there over the…_leukemia_…because he could _fight_ those creatures. But the disease he could do nothing to stop. This had to be Bella's fight, and as much as it pained him, he couldn't help her. Bella's body had all control.

Edward couldn't remember feeling so helpless, so…afraid.

The past ninety years had enabled him to speak eloquently, to become well versed in all forms of literature, to see the world. Invincible or no, he wasn't strong enough to spend the rest of eternity without Bella. It wasn't plausible; it wasn't realistic.

The thought was crazy, nearly insane!

Ever since this amazing creature had come into his life, everything had changed. The beauty he saw everywhere, the hope he had begun to feel, had thrown him completely upside down.

Edward had come to realize that hope had a strange way of doing that to a person. Because hope never came into the game, truly, until it was needed. Until people needed something else to hold on to, perhaps because they feel their anchor is starting to slip away. Hope…hope brings the sun up when the darkness seems to last forever. Hope restores the spirit.

Hope is the assurance that life goes on after you experience a tragedy.

But, Edward thought. Realistically, life wouldn't go on. Not his. Because everything that he was, everything that he had ever hoped to be, would disappear with Bella. She had become such a part of him that there were times it was hard to tell where she ended and he began. There were times he would walk into a room and not truly feel like he was there until her warm touch sparked the love within his heart, until her eyes full of deep longing locked with his own. Even if she made a joke at his expense, it never mattered. It was to just let everyone know…that he was with her. That she was Edward's.

He was positive he couldn't live without that for the rest of time.

She had told him a few days prior, before she'd gone to see a doctor, that he wasn't to be worried. That no matter what happened, she would be all right.

"Why are you speaking like that?" he had asked, his tone harsh. "It's the flu, Bella! Nothing more. You're young, healthy. They'll treat you and you'll be fine." It scared him how similar that conversation had been to the one they'd shared an hour before. The circumstances, however, had drastically changed.

"I know, Edward," Bella had said, trying to reassure him. "I'm just thinking ahead, in case it's not just the flu. I don't want another incident like the one a few months ago. I love you, Edward. More than anything else in the world I love you. That won't end just because I'm not here anymore. I will be somewhere out there, still loving you. Yo have to know that, don't you?"

At the time he had been humoring her, because Edward had believed with everything in him that it had been simply the flu. The symptoms were identical to it.

How could he have missed it? He had let her down again.

_No_, _Edward_. He was surprised to hear Jasper's thoughts in his mind. _Bella's disease is a random happening. Tragic, but random. Not even Alice saw it coming until yesterday. There was so predicting it, there was no tests that could have prevented it. Random. Please don't feel angry at yourself. It's not fair, to you or to Bella. She is going to need you, and as hard as it's going to be, you will have to remain strong._

_Jas is right, Edward. _Alice's soft voice rang strong in his mind. _She may not be invincible, but she is strong enough to beat this. Have faith. Trust her. Love her. For goodness sakes, Edward. Don't take this time for granted! I beg you to love her, help her to live life to the fullest. That way, no matter how this turns out, you will both have the memories to share. Nothing can take those from you._

As their voices faded out, Edward tightened his arms around Bella. They were both right. There was too much at stake, too much to lose. There could be no mistakes, no miscalculations.

Bella's life would be the price to pay. And that couldn't happen.

Tomorrow, her treatments began. Blood work in the morning, followed by chemotherapy. Then another dose two weeks later, going on for four weeks before a longer, heavier chemo treatment would be introduced.

There were no maybes, no nearly. Chemo would work, and if it didn't, he would find something that would.

Edward wasn't going to lose her. He wouldn't survive without her.

She would be fine.

She _had_ to be.

His pain at that moment was so intense, so bone-deep, that his body did something he never thought it could do again.

A single tear escaped down Edward's porcelain cheek.

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Do you think that was too unrealistic?! I mean the way I see it is that Edward's love for her is so deep, so powerful that it transcends time and space and fate and destiny that anything is possible.

**Please R&R! Next chapter will begin the treatments!**

**Thanks as always,**

**Megareader25**


	5. Chapter 5

Author's Note: Thanks again to all of you who read and reviewed…I appreciate it all! This chapter is where we see a little bit more of just how insecure Bella is. It was supposed to be the start of the chemo treatments, but I think I'll wait for that one! Otherwise, this chapter will be insanely long!

_**Disclaimer: Twilight and its legacy belong to Stephenie Meyer. I simply "borrow" her characters and make my own stories! LOL**_

**Chapter 4- The Battle Begins**

After leaving Edward's late that night, I had arrived back home to find Phil and Renee eagerly awaiting my arrival. My poor mother was in tears. "I can't believe this," she said, hugging me for the thousandth time. "My little girl!" "Mom," I said, in the voice I had always used when I talked her out of one of her crazy jaunts. "Relax. I promise that I will be fine. The only thing that's worrying me are the needles. We all know how much they scare me. Right Dad?"

Charlie nodded his head vigorously. "Really, Renee. Everything will be all right. I just received a call from the hospital and Carlisle Cullen has found Bella one of the best doctors in the field. She'll beat this. I'm sure I don't have to tell you she's an incredibly strong young lady."

My father's complement humbled me. "Of course you don't," Renee said with a smile. "Okay. So we'll be here at around 8:00am tomorrow morning and we'll follow you and Charlie to the hospital. Okay?" "Mom, I don't need an audience. As much as I appreciate it, I'm sure you all can find better things to do with your time." "Nonsense!" Mom and Phil said, at the same time that "No way!" came from Charlie's mouth. "You don't have to go through this alone, Bells," Charlie continued. "We're all here for you." I smiled. "Yeah, I know. It'll be a very crowded room tomorrow. The Cullens are all coming, too."

"Are they?" asked Mom. I wasn't sure what exactly flashed through her eyes before she had a chance to mask it. Anger? Frustration? Maybe even jealousy? But it was gone before I could put my finger on it. "The more the merrier, I guess! As long as you're up to the company, honey." I smiled. "It will help to have them all there, Mom. Really. Now I think I'm going to head upstairs. I had a long day and there's another one ahead of me. Good night." I kissed my mother and father, and hugged Phil before slowly climbing the stairs.

Changing into my pajamas, I walked into my room and stood in front of my mirror. I could see myself from the shoulders up, and I touched my brown hair softly. Now I had never been a huge fan of my hair; it was long and straight, with no real body to it. I couldn't do too much with it, and was mostly limited to ponytails. But the thought of walking around without it for a while…scared me. As if I didn't have enough insecurity issues.

I was running my fingers through it absently when I felt his cool hand on my back. I jumped and let my hair fall around my shoulders. "Sorry. I didn't mean to frighten you." I shook my head, sniffed. "You didn't. I was just…I don't know, honestly. Thinking, I guess." Edward nodded. "About your day tomorrow?" I shook my head again. "Not necessarily the day. Just…what comes after." "I'm afraid I'm not following." I shrugged and grabbed a hair-tie. "It's no big deal," I said as I threw my flat hair into a ponytail. "I'm just not looking forward to the after-effects, that's all."

I turned to walk to my bed when he grabbed my hand. "You're amazing, you know," he whispered as he hugged me. "I've always admired your courage, your strength. And your beauty. It never ceases to take my breath away." The lump in my throat grew larger as he slowly pulled the tie out of my hair, letting it flow freely over my shoulders. "You don't need your hair to be beautiful," he whispered then.

I was crying freely now and for once Edward's arms did little to bring me comfort. I had always felt inferior standing beside him and all the Cullens, because their beauty was overwhelming. I'd seen first-hand, _experienced_ first-hand, what happened to kids who were caught off-guard by Edward's bronze hair, or Alice's excited demeanor or Jasper's slow smile. I couldn't ever find the words to describe how I felt standing next to them. Inferior didn't even really apply. It wasn't strong enough. I was completely out of place beside them. I had never considered myself beautiful to begin with. And I'd been okay with being average, until Edward had come into my life. And suddenly…looking in the mirror wasn't the same because the only thing I saw was the ugly duckling in the midst of seven beautiful, majestic swans.

How could I stand to look at myself beside them when I lost my hair? How could Edward stand to look at what was beside him once that happened?

"If you don't want to come tomorrow," I started. "You don't have to. Really. It's Saturday. I can't imagine it's the way you intended to spend your day." "I _intended_ on spending it with you. Though the plans are different, I'm open to compromise." "I just don't want you to feel obligated to go to every treatment with me. You don't have to. Really. It's completely unnecessary. I think you need to know that…"

I was interrupted when Edward's cell phone rang. "Sorry," he said, grabbing it quickly from his pocket. "Hello?" Whomever it was talked slow and fast, because the conversation was over in less than thirty seconds. Throughout that short time, though, I had seen Edward's topaz eyes fill with at first surprise, then sadness, followed my anger, and then, as he slipped his phone back into his pocket, there was only determination.

"Is everything all right?" I asked him. "That was Alice," he said. "She informed me that you had some plans I wouldn't like."

Damn her. "I don't know what you're talking about." Edward rolled his eyes. "You've never been a great actress, love. Just say what you'd like and then I'll do the same." I had a feeling this conversation had taken a turn from what I'd originally intended, but I obeyed anyway. "I think you need to know that you don't have to stay with me, here. You're going to college again in a few months and I won't be traveling too far from Forks for a while. I'll be sick a lot, and tired and you don't deserve to be tied to me when I'm like that. Maybe we would be better off taking a break until this is over."

"Is that all?" I rolled my eyes and sighed. "_Yes_. That's all. Your turn." "I'm not going anywhere, Bella. Not unless I truly believe you want me to. Was that not the promise I made when I came back a few months ago?" I nodded. "It was. I remember very well. But a lot has changed since then, Edward. I can't hold you to that promise anymore. It just wouldn't be fair." "Well you don't have to hold me to anything. I'm not leaving you alone to deal with this. It is our battle. I will be with you every step of the way." As unbearably sweet as that was, it also happened to be my worst fear. "Edward…" "Bella, please. Let me finish. Like you said, this wouldn't have been my first time attending college, and I'll have plenty more opportunities to do so. Besides, if you're in Forks, there is nowhere else I want to be. Sick or not, tired or not, I'll be by your side. _That_ is my new promise."

Tears filled my eyes as the sincerity sank in. "I feel like I'm trapping you." "You trapped me long ago," Edward whispered with a crooked grin. "And even if the trap was released, I wouldn't go anywhere else. Bella, what is truly bothering you? There's more than what you've disclosed to me. I can see it in your eyes." My bottom lip shook, but I still did my best to act nonchalant. "I don't know what you're talking about."

Edward's eyes fell to my shoulder, where I was absently playing with a strand of my hair. "Is that the problem?" he asked. "You don't want me to see you without your hair?" I began to cry as I pulled away from him. "I don't want _anyone_ to see me without my hair, Edward! But yeah, least of all you. I'm eighteen years old. I'm not supposed to be sick. I have my whole life ahead of me! I had eternity ahead of me! So yeah. Losing my hair is killing me, because the last thing I need is to feel less inferior to all of you. Being sick all the time is the _perfect_ way to end senior year. Going twice a month to a hospital so the doctors can pump drugs into my body that will cause all of the above is _exactly_ how I hoped to spend the year after high school. This is…insane. I was never supposed to get sick. My life was great where I was. I don't understand why this is happening. I don't understand why now. And I really don't understand why you'd want to stay through all that."

I sighed and closed my eyes. I sensed more than felt Edward walk over to me. "You're an amazing creature," he whispered. "Even at this point, when you should be afraid for yourself, your only concern is…_me_. Bella, you could never be anything less than beautiful to me. I've told you that before." "Yeah, but you've never had to mean it like you'll have to now. All my hair will be gone by the time the second treatment is done, if not before. That's three weeks away. It'll go by too fast." "Why do you worry about such things?" Edward asked me. "If only you could see yourself through my eyes. If only you could see just how valuable and beautiful you are to me, how much I love you. I wonder if you'd still feel the same."

"Put yourself in my shoes," I whispered. Edward sighed and hugged me to him. "You have no idea how much I wish I could."

"What?" I asked, confused for the first time. Edward's fingers slowly traced the contours of my face as he said, "I wish I could trade places with you. I wish there was a way to transfer at least some of the pain you feel onto myself. I'm ten times stronger than you are…or so I used to think. I don't know who is stronger anymore because…because I'm so afraid of losing you, Bella. So afraid of living eternity in such pain knowing that you're not with me. I'm sure that if I were the ill one, I could make you feel better…but I'm also sure that I won't truly breathe again until I'm sure you're healthy."

My broken heart shattered again. "Haven't we already gone through this? You will never lose me, Edward. I swore that I would always be with you and I intend to keep that promise. We have an eternity waiting for us! Don't give up now." "Aren't you?" he whispered, so low I almost missed it.

"Of course not!" "Then why are you so afraid of what the chemotherapy will do to you? If it will kill whatever disease is growing inside you, why should it matter?" I sighed and closed my eyes. "I can't explain it in any other way than what I did. I want to be good enough to keep you, and I have never before thought I was. I'm not making any progress. I'm losing points…at least I was comfortable with myself, but soon…soon I'll be avoiding mirrors. You should be with someone who can match your beauty…not tear you down with her."

"Stop this nonsense!" Edward said, pulling me into him. "Bella, you sell yourself so short sometimes it pains me. You have always been more than enough for me. I was utterly blessed the day you came into my life. Nothing can compare to the day you told me you loved me. The world has never felt so great as it does when you are in my arms. And that's where you will stay forever, damn it. No matter what I have to do to be with you, I will do it." "No!" I said into his shirt. "No, please. Promise me that if the worst does happen, you won't try to join me." "I already promised you that." "But now it actually means something." "I won't spend eternity without you, damn it! Don't ask me to promise that."

"Edward…" "No! I'm sorry, love. Being without you is not an option."

For whatever reason, that took me over the edge. I would have collapsed had Edward not been holding me up. "I don't want to die!" I said, soaking the front of my shirt. Edward stopped breathing and lifted me into his arms. "Don't talk like that," he said. "Please…dear God, don't talk like that."

Edward sprawled across the bed and hugged me tighter to him. He let me cry, and all the while hummed my lullaby.

The sound did little to calm me, and I was up for a long time, crying in Edward's arms, silently begging him to comfort me.

Every few moments he would kiss me softly, as if committing the smell to memory…

I wasn't the only one who was becoming dangerously close to giving up.

I cried harder.


	6. Chapter 6

Author's Note: So sorry it took so long for me to update this! I had most of it written and then decided it needed a rewrite. I didn't think it was quite up to par. I hope this was worth the wait! Thanks again to all of you who read and reviewed!! I really appreciate it!

Disclaimer: I love Twilight…but I in no way had the ability to create it. That credit belongs to Stephenie Meyer.

Chapter 5- Harsh Realities

            The next morning, my alarm went off at 6:30am. I was still in Edward's arm, but incredibly tired. I hadn't fallen asleep until around 4:00am.

            "Good morning," he whispered, kissing the top of my head. I sighed. "Yeah. Morning." I felt his arms tighten at my tone, but there were no other signs. "I'm going to go home and change," Edward continued. "And then I'll be back to pick you up. Or are you riding with Charlie?" I nodded. "He wanted to do the honors. I'll just see you there?" "You definitely will." He kissed me before sitting up. "Everything will work out," he whispered to me. "You'll see." And then he was gone.

            What I didn't have the heart to tell him was that working out…was exactly what I was afraid of.

            I trudged into the bathroom and took a long shower. I reveled the feel of the shampoo in my hair, for once enjoyed the otherwise annoying task of shaving my legs, and dressed in the sweatpants and sweatshirt all seniors received. I threw my hair into another ponytail and slowly walked downstairs.

            To my surprise, breakfast was waiting for me on the table. Pancakes, an array of muffins, juice, milk and a flower. Charlie walked into the room and smiled. "Bon appetite!" I smiled for the first time all morning and sat down. "You didn't have to make this for me, Dad." He shrugged sheepishly and sat down across from me. "I could say that I did, but I'd be lying. I went out early this morning. I didn't think you needed my cooking to make you sick." I laughed; the sound was unfamiliar. "It's the thought that counts."

            Phil and Renee came around 8:00am as promised, and we were off.

            My nerves were getting the better of me by the time we reached the hospital. But, once inside, I saw the Cullens waiting for me and some of that fear ceased. "Morning, Bella!" Alice said cheerfully. Her mood, as usual, was contagious. "Hello, Alice." She skipped forward and hugged me. "Hello, Charlie." She turned to Renee and Phil and smiled. "I'm Alice. I've heard a lot about each of you. It's nice to finally meet you." My mother shook hands with Alice nervously, but Phil seemed completely at ease. "This is my brother, Jasper," Alice said, appointing herself in charge of introductions. "My sister, Rosalie, my other brother, Emmett, and my mother, Esme. Edward you've met, and Carlisle is checking on things for Bella."

            I watched my mother absorb the Cullens. She seemed to be taking everything okay, but that was Renee. She'd be speaking to me the second we were alone.

            Edward walked over and hugged me. "Ready?" I sighed, forced myself to act brave. "As I'll ever be." I knew he could see right through me. I could tell by the way he topaz eyes smoldered. But he didn't disagree with me, and slowly led the way into the back room.

            Charlie and Renee came with us. The only one taken aback by Edward's actions was my mother—her expression was priceless, caught somewhere between surprise and jealously. I wasn't going to waste my breath trying to explain things to her. She could come to her own conclusions, just like she would whether or not I explained at all.

            Carlisle met us, and after brief introductions, smiled at me. "Bella, they're going to run a blood test first, and if everything appears all right, you will begin your chemotherapy. Dr. Manendez will be your doctor. He is the best in his field, I promise. He'll be in after the nurse draws your blood." Carlisle squeezed my hand and smiled. "I'll be outside with my family if you need anything."

            I couldn't force my legs to move into the room. This was it. The second I walked through those door, I had no other options. I was in for the long haul. These were my last few moments of the life I had known, the life I hadn't realized was passing too quickly.

            Edward's cool, gentle hand on my back forced me into reality. I reminded myself I wasn't doing this simply for me: Edward's eternity was at stake, too.

            I sat in the chair in the corner, Edward at my side. A nurse with the brightest red hair I'd ever seen came in and smiled. "Morning, Bella. My name is Lucy. I'm just going to take some blood and we'll test that quick before we begin the treatment. Okay?" I swallowed hard and nodded. She told me to lay my right arm flat on the table. Edward's hand had to hold it steady. I locked my gaze with his own as Lucy prepared the needle. I cringed when the needle broke my skin, and tears flew to my eyes. I felt worse when pain filled Edward's as well. "Relax," I said, trying to smile. I had a feeling it was more so a grimace than anything else. "If you can't handle one needle, you're never going to make it through the next few months." His smile was weak, but it was a smile nonetheless.

            We waited about fifteen minutes for my blood to be tested, and Lucy came back along with a middle-aged man. "Bella," he said, sitting down across from me. "I'm Dr. Manendez. How are we doing today?" "We're doing all right," I said, trying to sound lighthearted. He nodded, seeming to understand. "Well, the good news is we tested your blood and everything is ideal for the treatment. You can begin today, and then you'll have to come back tomorrow for an injection." "Will there be any immediate side effects?" Edward asked. "Well, as with any drug therapy, there are side effects. The most common is hair loss. Fatigue, nausea, vomiting, and decreased blood cell counts are also a possibility." I closed my eyes and sighed. When I looked at Edward, his face was perfectly blank, absent of any emotion, and I knew that inside he was boiling, waiting for a moment when he could let it all out."

            "Do you want to step outside for a few moments?" I whispered to him. It was a few moments before he looked at me. Then he shook his head. I rolled my eyes. "And you call me stubborn," I mumbled. Another small smile.

            "If you're all set, then, and there are no more questions, we'll get started. Now, we'll administer the treatments toy out through intravenous. For the first four, you will be here for two hours. After that, the four-hour treatments will begin. Okay?" I nodded. "Good. I'll be back to check on you soon, Bella." He smiled at me and walked from the room.

            Lucy walked over to me with an ominous looking needle and sighed. "All right, hon. Here we go." A tear escaped this time when the needle entered my vein. She waited a few seconds and smiled. "All right! The worst is over for today. Now, I've left a few blankets on the counter because the drugs have a tendency to make you cold. If you need anything, just press the button on your left and I'll be there." I smiled my thanks and she walked away.

            It was then I realized I'd been gripping Edward's hand with the entirety of my strength.

            "Sorry," I said, loosening my grip. He grinned. "I was beginning to lose blood-flow to my fingertips."

            I closed my eyes and smiled. "I said I was sorry." He grinned again.

            Such an indescribable creature he was. I could see in his eyes the pain he felt, how torturous it was for him to sit with me, watching this. "You can go, you know," I said, no longer able to speak with uncaring humor. "I don't want you sitting here for two hours. Any of you," I said, looking up at my parents. I'd almost forgotten they were there.

            Edward squeezed my hand. "Where else would I be? I told you, I'll be here with you, as long as you want me here." "Well said," piped Renee. Her voice was tight. "The same goes for us."

            I sighed. "I should have known there'd be no reasoning with the three of you. You're all so stubborn." Charlie smiled. "You had to get it from someone." I couldn't help but smile back. "You're right. And I suppose there are worse things to inherit."

            I shivered then; I hadn't even realized I was cold. Edward was up in a second, nearly too fast considering Renee and Charlie were there, and he wrapped the blanket around my shoulders. "Is that okay?" he asked. "One more," I said. My fingers were frozen.

            He resumed his seat beside me and I rested my head onto the flat, uncomfortable pillows. "You should rest, love," he said, his voice a whisper. "You look so tired." "Not really," I said. I might have convinced him had my really not turned into a large yawn. He smiled. "Sleep. Go away from this place." "Don't leave," I said. His face finally seemed to relax, as if he understood then that though I'd been pushing him to go, that was the last thing I wanted.

            "I won't be going anywhere," he said. "Sleep." I looked up at Renee to see her covering her mouth with her hand; Charlie's eyes were empty. I smiled sleepily at them and then the darkness took over.

0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

            "Uh."

            I flushed the toilet for the sixth time that afternoon. I didn't have anything left in my stomach, but the vomiting wouldn't stop.

            Charlie hadn't come in after the fourth time. I'd told him it wasn't necessary: there wasn't anything he could do.

            We had gotten home at around noon. Edward had woken me up when the treatment was over. My wrist was bandaged and I'd been cleared to go home. Edward was waiting for me when I got upstairs, but I hadn't been able to sit for long. Every half hour or so I had to run from the room, praying that my father wasn't in the bathroom.

            It was only 3:00pm.

            I walked back into my bedroom on wobbly legs and Edward met me at the door. "There has to be something I can do for you," he pleaded, picking me up and carrying me over to my bed. I lay down gratefully against my pillows. "I'd love for you to be able to do something for me. But there's nothing. No medications can stop the vomiting. Eating won't stop it, not eating obviously does nothing. I guess it just…goes away. We'll have to wait."

            Edward sat beside me and rubbed slow circles on my stomach. "I wish I could make this go away." I choked out a small laugh. "You and me both."

            "You were in so much pain today…" "It wasn't so much the pain as the needles," I said. "I don't do needles." He rested his head on top of mine. "I remember," he murmured. "If I could, I would take your place." "I know," I said, squeezing his hand. "I know."

            Then I was running. I managed to make it to the bathroom in time.

            Edward was behind me then, holding my hair away from my face. I flushed and closed the lid, resting my head on top of it. "It's going to be a long night," I said with a groan.

            When I received no response, I turned around. Edward was standing there completely frozen, looking at something in his hand. His expression was conflicted, fighting between pain and what appeared to be the need to remain hopeful.

            In his hand were strands of my hair.

            That's when I passed out.


	7. Chapter 7

**_Author's Note: Okay…so I know I promised a chapter by the end of last week, but I was having serious difficulties with this one! Writing this story has been emotionally draining, to say the least, probably because for the first time in my life, I can relate to all the pain. Anyway, it's another from Edward's POV, and I wasn't sure exactly what I wanted to happen. There was so much emotion between the two of them that I needed to get it all across, and that's why it took about three rewrites. I thank you for your patience! Also, I won't be updating at all next week as we are on spring break and my family is going to Florida. I'll do my best to write something while I'm there and I'll get a chapter up as soon as I can! Thanks again for all your support and the time you've all taken to read and review! I love seeing your thoughts in my inbox!_**

**_            Also keep in mind that this story takes place in Eclipse, before Bella has said goodbye to Jacob. The battle that ensued, and Jacob's injuries all happened, but then this did. Trust me…you'll understand!_**

Disclaimer: I own nothing associated with the Twilight saga. This story, however, is mine…depression and all!

**Chapter 6: Pain**

**Bella. His poor…poor Bella.**

**He could hear her in the bathroom. This was the seventh time she'd run from his arms.**

**Edward stood and walked swiftly to the bathroom and his heart broke at the heavy shaking of Bella's thin body. He walked closer and held her hair behind her head. With his other hand, Edward touched her warm forehead. He closed his eyes; she was burning up.**

**"Uh," Bella said, resting her head on the closed toilet seat. "It's going to be a long night." Edward ran his hand along her smooth brown hair before slowly letting it settle on her shoulders.**

**But something else happened. Something that he'd feared, for both Bella's sake…and for himself.**

**In his hand were a few strands of her beautiful hair.**

**Edward stopped breathing. He was overcome with such anxiety that it made him unsteady. Bella noticed he wasn't responding. "Edward?" she asked, standing up.**

**He couldn't bring himself to look at her, not because he didn't want to, but because he couldn't tear his eyes from what he was holding. It suddenly become more real to Edward than it had been before: Bella was sick. Truly, seriously…sick.**

**Her face was ashen when he finally met her eyes. Then, just like that, she passed out. **

**Dropping the hair, Edward caught her in his arms. Cursing himself and his utter idiocy, he walked quietly back to Bella's room at vampire speed. He settled Bella in her bed and was stunned to see tears falling from beneath her eyes. It never ceased to marvel him, how very human she was. **

**It also frightened him that human body could turn against you so quickly.**

**Granted, Edward and his family had been wiped out by the influenza in the early 1900s, but he had attributed that to the germ spreading through his hometown. Before Bella, he'd never come across a human whose own body was protecting itself, but at the same time was the cause of the problem.**

**He realized it was because he'd never let himself get close to another human being the way he was with Bella.**

**Edward understood then why the attraction between he and Bella—which was really more of a universal pull—was as rare, if not as impossible, as it was: because due to the existence he occupied, getting close to a human resulted in immeasurable pain. He had believed before that he could protect them both from that pain, that his invincibility would be enough to stop the forces of the world.**

**How wrong he had been.**

**Edward hadn't mentioned this to Bella, but for weeks he had been searching and searching for some way to make himself human. He would pay any price necessary to keep Bella the way she is. His soul was already gone, and even if Carlisle were right, if giving his soul to someone—anyone—was the price he would have to pay for a lifetime, a _human_ lifetime, with Bella, then it would be worth it. **

**The voice he heard on the stairs at that moment did nothing to help his mood.**

**"Go on up, Jake!" Charlie called. "She hasn't been feeling the best but I'm sure she'll want to see you." **

**He had been so concerned with Bella's well being that he hadn't been faithfully observing my surroundings. He hadn't expected the dog to make an appearance. Granted he and Bella were still on good terms, but she hadn't spoken to him since the battle. **

**She's been too busy. With cancer.**

**Edward would have moved, would have fled to the closet until the dog had done something stupid and then relished the chance to beat him to a bloody pulp, but it appeared Bella had fallen asleep against him, and he couldn't bring himself to risk waking her up.**

**Jacob's eyes narrowed when he walked inside. "She just fell asleep," Edward whispered. "Please don't wake her. She's been getting sick all afternoon." He knew that would be the only thing that would keep Jacob from running to Charlie, and it worked. Jacob sat on the edge of the bed. "Is it bad?"**

**Reflexively, Edward hugged Bella tighter to him. He could help the smug smile that appeared on his lips when she sighed and snuggled closer. "It isn't good, that's for sure. Acute myeloid leukemia. Basically, symptoms appear fast and progress just as quickly. It is incredibly dangerous. Thankfully Bella's cautiousness finally paid off: she had a feeling something was wrong and dealt with it. She saved herself."**

**"She'll be okay, though?" **

**_What the hell kind of question was that_****? Edward thought. _Of course she would be okay_! _There were no other options_.**

"I didn't mean it like that," Jacob said after Edward remained silent. "She will be all right. I just meant…well…will she be all right."

**Despite the jumble in which it came out, Edward understood. In Jacob's mind, his thoughts were flying. He was concerned, obviously, but also nervous and angry, much like Edward himself.**

**Another thing they had in common: the immense love for the girl in utter danger.**

**Edward pulled her closer still, praying that Bella would just dissolve into him, or at the very least transfer her pain onto his shoulders. Surely it was too much for someone as delicate as Bella. **

**"I came as a last resort," Jacob said, stating a fact already obvious to Edward. "I thought that if she knew I was here, despite everything that has happened, despite what I heard that morning outside the tent…that maybe she'd see what she was missing. That maybe she'd find comfort in my arms instead of yours."**

**Edward waited for Jacob to finish. To his surprise, he wasn't angry. Realistically, he couldn't be. How could he blame Jacob Black—the man, not the wolf—for falling in love with the same amazing woman he himself did? Edward would be worse than a hypocrite…he'd be a liar. **

**"I suppose I understand that," Edward whispered. "Fighting fair isn't ever any fun." Jacob lightly touched a hand to Bella's exposed ankle. "Only the winner could talk that way."**

**They sat together for a few moments, two enemies united by a single woman, a single love. For centuries the werewolves and the vampires had fought unmercifully, leaving one side or the other devastated by the loss of friends, of family. It was mind-boggling to Edward that after spending so long on this Earth, when two years was such a miniscule amount of time in the grand scheme of things, that amount of time was all it had taken. Less than that even.  A single human with a heart larger than the number of lives lost by the constant battling since the beginning of time had united two completely different souls.**

**And she was the one suffering.**

**Jacob must have sensed the tension suddenly skyrocket, because he stood up. "Do me a favor? Tell her I was here."**

**Edward nodded stiffly. As much as he hated to admit it, Bella would need to hear that.**

**Jacob looked at her for another minute before walking to the door. He stopped, his hand on the knob, shaking with the effort it took to control his breaking heart. "Take care of her," he whispered. "Cherish her. Because she deserves to be cherished. Love her…love her so much she won't feel the absence of my love. And make sure she gets better."**

**His words were signified the end, the final obstacle that stood in the way of Edward and Bella's happiness.**

**Or so he had thought. **

**Now they had another fight ahead of them, the fight of their existence. The fight _for_ their existence. **

**He listened to Jacob speaking with Charlie, saying that Bella had been asleep but that she would know he had come.**

**As Jacob left, Charlie asked the question I knew was coming: When was Jacob coming back?**

**Edward's heart broke at the finality in his words: "I won't be coming back, Charlie. Not anytime soon. Bella has made her choice. And I can't stand around watching her love someone else. I'll see you around. Oh…and I'll be praying for her. We won't lose her, Charlie. Not when our time has been extended as it is."**

**Charlie was confused when Jacob left. But that was nothing unusual; for the top cop in Forks, he wasn't the most observant when it came to issues concerning his daughter.**

**He looked down at the angel asleep in his arms. The unbelievably strong, beautiful, courageous, trusting angel, who was holding onto his shirt for dear life, as if in that spot he held the power to save her.**

**Oh how he wished that were ture. **

**Edward kissed the top of her head, inhaling the amazingly intoxicating scent that was all Bella's.**

**He couldn't live without his angel. Couldn't function without his light, his life…his world.**

**Edward wrapped her quilt around her, wishing that for just a moment, just a small second, he could escape the way Bella had, could dream away the fear and the worry and the pain. **

**Closing his eyes, Edward was determined to focus on the moment before him: the warmth he could feel radiating from her body, the soft, steady beat of her heart.**

**His mind was clear, his body was free off all ties that had nothing to do with Bella.**

**Sleep came naturally, almost as if he'd been doing it nightly for the last ninety years.**


	8. Chapter 8

**_Author's Note: I apologize yet again. It took so much longer to update than I'd originally anticipated! I started working this week and between that and school, things are crazy. But even though it took so long, this chapter is pretty important. We finally figure out what exactly is going on with Edward and all the strange things—or should I say human things—that keep happening to him…review and let me know what you think!_**

**_Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or anything related to it…except this story…which I suppose could mean anything…_**

**Chapter 7- Revelations and Chocolate Bunnies**

I woke around five-thirty to the quiet of the house. I had told Charlie to make plans with Billie. The last thing I wanted was for him to be sitting around for the next few months while I went through the therapy I would need to kick the leukemia. He hadn't been happy about going, but I knew he'd be fine once he got there.

            But that wasn't the quiet I was talking about. I was referring to the fact that there was no greeting when I opened my eyes.

            Edward's arms were still wrapped around me. He was lying perfectly still as always, but still the silence remained. I twisted in his unusually tight grasp and my heart nearly stopped.

            It looked like he was…_asleep_.

            Well, that or dead, and though before I'd believed neither was possible, I was no longer sure.

            "Um…Edward? Edward!" I started gently shaking him and he opened his eyes slowly. He looked at me, then at the clock, and his eyes widened. "I last looked at the clock two hours ago. Time passes quickly when I'm with you…but did I…I couldn't have…"

            I looked up at Edward, his eyes confused, and kissed him. "I think we need to talk to Carlisle."

            "Right. Yes, that's probably best. I'll go and come right back." He kissed the top of my head and stood up. "Whoa, wait. I'm coming with you." "Bella, you're tired. You should stay. I'll be back before you even realize I'm gone." "I'm not an invalid, Edward! Just because I'm sick doesn't mean I'm helpless. I will go with you. I want to see your family, to thank them for being there for me today." "You did that already. They'll understand." "Stop, Edward! Seriously! I want to go."

            "Why are you so adamant about going?" "Why are you so adamant about me _not_ going?"

            He closed his eyes and sighed. "Does that question really require an explanation?" I shrugged and stood up. "I guess not. But yours didn't, either."

            Edward nodded, resigned. "I don't want your body to undergo any more stressful situations than need be. You've always been fragile, my love, but now…now I'm no longer the only danger in your life." He chuckled without humor. "I'm beginning to miss the good old days."

            I walked over to him and wrapped my arms around his neck. "The days will be good again. That is a promise. Now let's go." He kissed me and then lifted me into his arms. He jumped from my window and began to run. I closed my eyes and marveled at how easy it was for me to lie to him. I had never been able to do that before. I had him convinced that I myself was sure I'd live to see my nineteenth birthday in a few months, let alone my twentieth. Perhaps it was because when I could convince him, he in turn could convince me, and then we'd both be able to get through another minute.

            The consequence was we'd conned the other into believing a bunch of lies.

            We came to a stop at the front door of the Cullen mansion, and Edward set me down. "You all right?" I smiled. "Never better." With another long sigh he grabbed my hand.

            "Bella!" Alice exclaimed, running to hug me. "What a surprise! I can't believe you're here! I thought for sure you'd be tired. But I suppose I should have known better. After all, this is you we're talking about, the strongest human I know! I'm so happy to see you!" That earned me another hug. "Well it's good to see you, too, Alice."

            Somewhere in the back of my mind it registered that the comments about strength were for my benefit only, as I'm sure she'd seen the incident in the bathroom this afternoon. But at the moment, I was too preoccupied by Edward to truly take it into account.

            "What brings you by so soon, Bella?" Carlisle asked. I turned to look at Edward. "Well, in all honesty, we have a bit of a problem." "What do you need?" he asked, standing up and walking to the phone on the wall. "I can have a doctor here in ten minutes who specializes…" "It isn't me," I interrupted. "It's Edward."

            Carlisle set the phone back into the cradle and folded his arms, waiting. "Carlisle, I…I fell asleep this afternoon."

            The entire house fell silent. Alice's eyes widened, then turned into slits as she thought hard, probably going through her visions of the afternoon wondering how she could have missed this. Jasper grimaced, everyone's alarm hurting his head. Rosalie was thinking…and Emmett was laughing.

            "How can you fall asleep? You've been the _living dead_ for one hundred years! Have you been stealing some of Bella's pills? Because I hear the ones for womanly issues can have a wonky effect on your emotions—" Rosalie slapped him and he sat back, pursing his lips like a pouting child.

            "This is a serious issue, Emmett," Esme scolded. "Never have I heard of someone like us having the ability to fall asleep. You're sure, Edward?" "Positive. I last looked at the clock at 3:30, and Bella woke me at 5:30."

            All eyes turned to Carlisle. "What could this possibly be?" Jasper asked.

            Carlisle frowned. "I'm not sure. I have yet to come across anything like this before. Sleep is the only thing that's happened?" I nodded my head yes when Edward interrupted. "No. Yesterday, after I'd brought Bella here to speak with you all, we were upstairs in my room and I…well…I produced a tear."

            Alice made a growling sound, one that would normally be menacing, but was actually anger at herself and her visions. I felt Jasper's wave of calm, but it appeared Alice was too far-gone. "Don't try to calm me! I have to figure out why I didn't see this!"

            Carlisle, however, was smiling slightly. "I think I know, Edward. It comes down to one thing, really. Pain."

            Edward raised a brow, and I saw him look at me out of the corner of his eye. "Your body is in so much pain and being what we are, you have no way to release it. Bella and other humans have the ability to cry and to fight through their issues in their sleep. So, subconsciously, your body had to find a way to relieve itself, and this is what happened."

            I looked at Edward and closed my eyes. Fabulous. So not only was I making myself crazy, he was going down with me as well.

            "What can we do to prevent it from happening again?" Edward asked. "I don't think you can, son. Human emotions are tricky business, which is one of the very few upsides of being a vampire: nine times out of ten we are immune to them. However, getting close to a human, loving them, appears to bring those emotions to the surface in record time. Twice in two days you've done something human. There is no stopping it, Edward. Either it will stop by itself, or more and more things will continue to happen."

            "There has to be some way to end this," I said. Esme looked at her husband, and he nodded. "True. I never thought of that. I suppose, Edward, we could contact the Volturri and see what they have to say." "No!" Edward bellowed. "Are you insane? Do you have any idea the consequences we'd have if we brought them here and Bella was still human?" "Perhaps they'd understand, Edward," Alice said. "You can't very well change her now or the effects of this disease would remain permanent forever."

            "When have you ever known the Volturri to be understanding, Alice?" Edward retorted. "They would argue now is the perfect time to change Bella, before the cancer really begins to take effect on her. I _refuse_ to change her because of circumstance!"

            Another wave of calm shot through the room. Esme nodded at Jasper, then said, "It was simply a suggestion, Edward. Nothing more. You and Bella asked a question, and I tried to find an answer. It would be a stretch, guaranteed. But if you truly want to stop this, maybe it's the only way."

            I opened my mouth to agree with Esme, to say this was Edward's best option, but he no longer looked worried or afraid. In fact, he looked almost…hopeful.

            "Do you think, that if the human characteristics were to keep appearing, that I eventually would become…_human_?"

            My eyes widened. His voice was lighter at the idea. It seemed as though it greatly appealed to him. In fact, he was smiling.

            "Isn't that a bit drastic?" I asked. "That's a lot to assume from a few incidents, isn't it?" Esme looked from me to Carlisle and shrugged. "I am not really sure. This isn't my area of expertise." All eyes found Carlisle yet again. "I can't say, Edward. Unless there is a specific reason this is happening, we may never know why." "We don't believe in destiny," Rosalie said. "Not anymore."

I could feel Edward's eyes on me. "I'm not so sure," he murmured.

"Either way," Carlisle continued. "This is a tricky situation, one that we will probably not be able to decipher for certain any time soon." "So basically what you're saying is that only time will tell?" "I'm sorry, Bella," Carlisle said. "Time appears to be the only solution."

            I shook my head. Time. That word was suddenly the only thing that scared me, and at the same time gave me so much hope.

            "You look tired," Edward said, mistaking my anxiety as drowsiness. "I'll take you home. Thank you, Carlisle. That's certainly a lot to think about." "If anything else happens, Edward, I expect a phone call." He nodded and picked me up. "Sure thing. I'll talk to you all later." "Good-bye Bella!" Alice called, waving like a madwoman. I smiled and waved back. It scared me how good I was becoming at acting.

            "I don't want to go home, Edward," I said when we stepped outside. "Can't we go to the meadow? Just for a while. My room feels very oppressive suddenly." "Of course we can," Edward whispered, and then we were off.

            The few moments spent with Carlisle were plaguing my thoughts. They all were completely shocked when Edward told them what had been going on, which made me nervous enough. But to know that these things excited him! He was dying for the chance to become human! And I couldn't figure out why. Why would he give up immortality for the life of a human, when recent events obviously proved that having a body coursing with blood and filled with organs could turn out to be more dangerous than anything else?

            I knew we'd reached the meadow when Edward suddenly was leaning against a large boulder. He settled me in his lap and kissed the top of my head. "That was enlightening." I snorted. "To say the least. What could this possibly be, Edward?" "I haven't a clue, Bella. If Carlisle isn't even sure, what makes you think I have any idea?" I turned to look at him, at his beautiful face, when I noticed the flicker of gold in his eyes. I smiled. "I know you. You have an idea. How about sharing with the rest of the class?"

            He looked at me for a second before sighing. "Honestly? I believe that maybe this was meant to happen. Maybe this is our chance." "Our chance?" I asked, confused. "Yes, our chance to have a life together, a human life."

            I knew he was going to say something to that effect, but I was still surprised. "Explain."

            Edward sat up, much more animated, and said, "You heard Carlisle. He said that these things would probably keep on happening to me. Maybe they're slowly humanizing me. It's perfect, Bella! Exactly what we've been hoping for! I've been searching for ways to become human, wishing and praying that there would be a way for me to be with you. This is it!"

            My head was spinning. Searching? For how long? _Praying_? But he didn't believe in God! He didn't even think he had a soul!

            "Edward…we came up with a solution to that problem, remember? After this leukemia is out of my system, we get married and you change me." "But when I'm human, think of what we can do, Bella! Vacations on the beach, swimming in the ocean with a beach full of people, dinners together at restaurants all over the world, and children! We can have kids, love. The life we can share…"

            "Will be nearly identical to the life we'll have as vampires. Vacations on beaches where we can watch the stars at night, swimming in the ocean when it's below freezing because we won't feel a thing! Eating together, finding whatever animal we can. It's not the same, I know, but it will be just as good. Better, even. Because there will be no end. You shouldn't have to sacrifice the existence you've become accustomed to after one hundred years for me, who has only been around for eighteen."

            "It wouldn't be a sacrifice. It would be a dream come true, something I've wanted since the day I fell in love with you." "Has it ever occurred to you that I've been trying to do the exact same thing since day one? That I've been fighting with everything I have to be just like you? I don't see it as a death sentence, Edward. I see it as freedom, freedom from the constraints and ties of the life the majority of mankind has always known. Human lives end. People die, losing each other, maybe forever. But not vampires."

            "My life isn't all it's cracked up to be. The beauty, the power, the immortality…once the newness wears off, reality sets in and nothing is ever the same. Secrecy and lies, that's my life."

"And you think mine is so much better?" I asked, sitting up. "My life spent in a broken home? With a mother who has the mind of a thirteen year old and a father who can barely cook his own meals? I was almost eighteen years old before I had a serious relationship, Edward. I barely had any friends in Phoenix, and everyday I still wonder when you'll look in the mirror and finally see me for what I am. You say that reality sets in after a while for you. I've never _left_ reality, not for something exciting or new. And now my body is turning against me. Is that the human life you were referring to? Is that was you'd hoped to find? Pain and fear, that's _my_ life."

            "You make it sound so terrible," he said, reaching for me. I collapsed onto his chest and sighed, gripping his shirt. "That's all mortality is, Edward: a series of painful situations with an occasional ray of sunshine. Everyday there are atrocities committed by humans: murders and kidnappings and rapes and assaults. And people suffer because of those things. Someone, somewhere is hurting all the time. No matter what, there is no escaping it. Around each corner is someone or something sent to simply hurt you. And each time that happens, you lose a piece of yourself, a piece you will never ever find again. You'd think losing that piece would make things easier, would take the pain away with it. But that's not true. Sometimes the void hurts worse than the acts that caused the hole in the first place. You can fix it, put a bandage on it and plaster a smile on your face, but the fact remains that at the end of the day, you know what's underneath the bandage. At the end of the day, you look in the mirror and can see the broken smile. You can fix it, but you'll always know where missing pieces are."

            Edward's arms were tight around me. "Becoming a vampire doesn't stop the pain, Bella," he whispered finally. "Everyday I feel the loss of my parents, my friends, my family. Everyday. Changing yourself into a vampire isn't a solution because the pain will be frozen inside you forever. You can stop your heart from beating, but until your brain stops forcing you to feel, the pain won't go away."

            We could have sat there for hours, arguing the downsides of each existence. But there wouldn't have been a single compromise. Edward felt that by changing me, he was ruining my chance at happiness. I felt that him becoming human was too much of a sacrifice after all the time he'd spent as a vampire. The thing neither of us was willing to own up to was that each change scared us both a lot more than it should have.

            Have you ever seen those solid chocolate bunnies you can find taking up three aisles in a department store are Easter each year? The majority of the people asked eat the ears first. The reasons to justify that answer varies, from the fact that the ears stick out the farthest to they start from the top and work their way down.

            I'm different from everyone else. I always cut the rabbit in half and eat the area from the stomach to the head first, saving the ears and the torso for last.

            For a long time, I had no idea why. Until very recently, when Edward left and the pain became so overwhelming I couldn't breathe, I suddenly knew. Without ears, people couldn't hear. Some thought that was all it would take to stop the problems and pain in the world, but that's not true. Ears or no ears, people could still feel. Their heart forces them to feel. So I mercifully eat the heart, removing all feeling. That way, the rabbit is immune. It could see or hear or touch whatever, but it could no longer feel a goddamn thing.

            Jealousy and envy came for the lives Edward and I wanted, the lives the other had. Guilt and sorrow, however, came from losing something you'd been too stupid to realize you had, or from losing something that meant more to you than life itself. That was when feeling turned into the most wretched thing in the world.

            As I sat there with Edward, I became more and more convinced that losing all feeling would prove to be the best thing that could happen to me.   

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This chapter was not only supposed inform everyone of the reason for Edward's human attributes, but also to shed some light on the true feelings of Bella and Edward regarding their adamant positions on leaving the other as they are. In my own opinion, the reasons each of them listed seem very practical. However, they are my opinions alone, not those of Stephenie Meyer or anyone related to Twilight.  


	9. Chapter 9

Author's Note: I'm not even going to bother with excuses because this was just shameful! I should have updated long before now but I was honestly stuck! Hopefully this chapter was worth waiting for and I'll do my best to make sure this doesn't happen again!

**_Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or anything pertaining to it. I am an avid fan so looking forward to the special addition Eclipse and the fisr chapter of Breaking Dawn! YEAH! _****_J_**

**Chapter 8- Goodbye**

I had thought facing the Cullens would be the most difficult part.

I had no idea school would be just as bad.

Charlie and Renee hadn't wanted me to go. They'd practically insisted that I skip for a few days, just to come to terms with everything myself before I told the rest of the world.

But what would putting off the inevitable do for me? It wasn't like I would have this great, philosophical understanding by Wednesday that would enable me to speak with the kids at school and convince them everything would be okay. Weeks wouldn't do that for me. I wouldn't understand any time soon, and this crazy part of me hoped that maybe by going to school, my friends could get me one step closer to that soon.

Edward picked me up as usual, and the drive to school was as lengthy as it was short, another phenomenon I have yet to find the words to describe. When we parked in our usual spot, our usual friends were waiting for us, and none of them had any idea what an unbelievably unusual day they were about to have.

"Maybe I should wait," I blurted. "Maybe telling them now would only make things harder. We have finals coming up, and I know that if I were to find out one of them was sick like I am, I'd be a mess."

Edward sighed. "You should do what you feel is best, but you can't put this off forever, love."

I nodded, slowly comprehending his words. Edward was right, and as much as I didn't want to admit it, my friends were loyal and good. They deserved to know.

"Yeah. Okay. Then I guess we'd better get this over with."

            I got out and slung my bag over my shoulders. Edward was there, and he took my hand. "I'm here," he said, squeezing it.

            I closed my eyes and flashed back to that day in the forest weeks ago, when Edward and I and the rest of the Cullens had returned from our little rendezvous with the Volturi and Jacob had parked my motorcycle in the driveway. Charlie had been furious, and on our way out of the woods, Edward had told me the same thing.

            Funny, but I had actually believed that was the most trouble I could get into.

            "Hey, Bella!" Angela yelled, waving. "Are you feeling better?"

            It took a large majority of the strength I had to smile at her. "A little better, thanks." 

            Alice was there, too, standing with Jessica, Mike, Tyler, Ben and Lauren (though the latter wasn't someone I normally considered as a friend). I had asked Alice to round up everyone before Edward and I arrived this morning so I only had to do this once.

            "Listen, guys," I started. "There's something I really need to tell you."

            "That doesn't sound good," Jessica said.

            "What's up, Bella? Are you all right?" This from Mike.

            "How about we just let her talk!" Angela said, rolling her eyes at Mike and Jess in turn.

            "Thanks, Ang. Um…okay. Well, I think the best way to do this is to just say it. A couple of days ago I was diagnosed with leukemia."

            Everyone was silent, completely shell-shocked. I stood between Edward and Alice, whose faces were blank.

            "I don't get it," Lauren said. "Where's the punch line?"

            A low growl came from Edward's direction. Alice glared at her. I simply stood there, between my two vampire bodyguards, waiting for Lauren to say the next stupid thing so I could give them permission to tear her to shreds.

            "Lauren!" Jessica hissed. "What the hell was that? How about you think of someone _besides_ yourself for a second!"

            Considering the source of that comment, I was surprised. "Thanks, Jess."

            "But you'll be okay, right?" I looked at Angela to see tears in her eyes. Exactly as it had been at the Cullens, everyone was looking at me, silent, waiting for the answer they all wanted me to give.

            It pained me to do it, but I whispered, "I don't know."

            "What are they doing to treat it?" asked Ben.

            "Chemotherapy," Edward answered. "And they'll take extra precautions if necessary."

            "Will there be a bone marrow transplant?" Mike asked. "I hear they do that with leukemia patients."

            "Eventually," Alice said. "But right now they're focusing on clearing the cancer from her system."

            "Will you lose your hair?" Lauren asked. I detected a note of boredom in her voice, as if she was annoyed with me for taking all of the attention.

            My eyes filled, an occurrence I probably should have been used to after the weekend. "Eventually. Yeah."

            That sobered her, and Lauren opened her mouth a few times before sighing. "Wow. I'm, um, really sorry, Bella."

            "Me, too," Jessica said, hugging me quickly.

            "If there's anything we can do, just say so." Tyler smiled. "We're all here for you."

            "Definitely," Ben added.

            "Always," Angela said, probably the most sincere of anyone. She grabbed my other hand—the one that wasn't gripping Edward's—and squeezed. "Anything. Anytime. Don't hesitate."

            "Thanks, Ang," I said, hugging her.

            The warning bell shattered the tight circle we had formed, and everyone began to disperse, headed to his or her first period class. Ben wrapped his arm around Angela's shoulders and hugged her tight. I could tell by the way she was walking she'd begun to cry.

            Lauren, Tyler and Jessica waved, and then took their leave. Mike, however, lingered.

            "What Angela said, Bella. If you need anything at all, please call me. You know, homework help, rides, extra hours at the store…"

            "I don't think Bella will be working as much as she has been," Edward interrupted. "For obvious reasons. She'll be very tired and perhaps ill. You know, from the chemotherapy side-effects."

            Mike's jaw tightened, but that was the only sign of his annoyance. "Obviously. It was just an offer."

            "Which is appreciated," I said, smiling at Mike. Exactly what I needed was another conflict with this kid. "Thank you, Mike."

            He nodded, smiling back like a child who had gotten away with stealing a cookie from the cookie jar. He hugged me then, but it was quite awkward considering Edward refused to let go of my hand. But, with Mike being Mike, that didn't deter him.

            "We'd better get going, _love_," Edward said, putting emphasis on the last word. "We really don't want to be late."

            Edward received the reaction he'd hoped for: Mike tensed before jumping away from me like I had suddenly morphed into hot coals. "Right. Well. I'll see you at lunch, then, Bella."

            He nodded to Alice and walked away.

            I turned to Edward. "That wasn't very nice."

            He grinned. "C'mon. The kid needs to learn to keep his hands to himself."

            "He's worried," I argued.

            "True," Edward conceded. "But much more than necessary."

            I smiled, shaking my head. "I can't believe that after all this time you still get jealous of _Mike_!"

            Edward grinned back at me, leading the way into the building. "The same way you get jealous of the waitresses whenever we go out to dinner?"

            I had to laugh. "Considering we rarely go out to eat, that shouldn't count. But I'm in a giving mood, so touché."

            Alice was bouncing along beside me. "You two are probably the corniest couple I've ever seen! And trust me, I've seen quite a lot. Not to mention the fact that for the past six decades I've lived in the same house with Emmett and Rosalie!"

            I was still smiling as I grabbed my books from my locker. It was nice to have the normalcy of flirting with Edward and listening to Alice make fun of us. It reminded me as it often did whenever I was with the two of them exactly how much I had left to fight for.

            But then again, there were other things that made me forget.

            The first half of the day was uneventful. Actually, much more mundane than usual. I began to feel nauseous at lunch, causing Edward to nearly go into convulsions because he thought I needed to be rushed home. I argued, bringing Alice in to back me up. She confirmed that I'd be feeling better soon, and would be fine by the time Edward and I sat down in biology. I saw Alice frown for a moment, but when I asked Edward, he shrugged it off conspicuously, saying I was seeing things. Whatever. Just as long as he would leave me alone about going home, I couldn't really bring myself to worry.

            Sure enough, I was unfortunately fine when our substitute informed us we'd be watching a video on the miracle of life. I groaned and Edward grinned. I'll never understand what he found so amusing about things like that.

            "What?" he whispered during the birthing clip. "Aren't women supposed to find that beautiful?"

            "Which part is beautiful?" I hissed. "The blood, the indescribable pain, or suddenly being completely responsible for a little person for the next eighteen years? That doesn't scare you? Wondering what it would be like to suddenly have to raise a little human being?"

            "Not really," he said, shrugging. "Because I know it isn't anything I'll ever have to worry about."

            I had to give him that. For him, the fish weren't exactly swimming upstream.

            The room filled with collective sighs of relief when the ending credits appeared on the screen. As usual, Edward walked me to gym.

            "You sure you feel up to this?" he asked me. "We can leave, right now. Just you and me."

            "I'm fine!" I insisted. "Seriously, Edward. I'll be fine."

            His eyes clouded for a moment, before he looked away. "All right. Well I'll be here when you get out, then."

            "Okay…" I said, dragging out the word. I leaned up and kissed him before entering the locker room.

            I changed quickly, shrugging into my t-shirt and shorts. I was brushing my hair, pulling it back into a ponytail when coach began calling attendance.

            "Anderson? Barber? Collins? Ferguson? Manning? Paulson…"

            I was busy zoning out, hoping I didn't miss my name, when it happened.

            As I ran the brush through the last bit of my hair and went to pull it up into the waiting elastic, a good chunk came off, resting calmly in my hand.

            I froze, my eyes only able to see what lay before me. Tears that wouldn't fill my eyes gathered in my throat, restricting the flow of air. I couldn't breathe. My hands started shaking. _Not here_, I thought. _Please, please, please, don't let this happen here_!  

            "Swan!" My coach's voice bellowed across the locker room. It obviously wasn't the first time she'd called it. "Swan! Are you here?"

            I opened my mouth to say yes, but nothing came out. I tried again and again, but I just couldn't form the words.

            "Bella?" Angela's soft, hesitant voice came from behind me. I registered her footsteps, slowly coming closer. "Bella? What's—oh, Bella. Bella, look at me, please."

            I couldn't do that either. It seemed that I'd lost all control of my body.

            But then I was running.

            "Bella!" Angela called after me, begging me to come back. I ran with everything I had through the maze of hallways and out to the parking lot. I bent over, taking huge breaths of oxygen, as everything started to crumble around me.

            Suddenly he was there. I should've figured it wouldn't take long. "Bella? Bella, please. Love, look at me."

            With Edward's help, I slowly stood straight up. Then I held out my hand, where a good chunk of hair, about an inch thick, still rested. He didn't look surprised, though. On the contrary, Edward kept his face carefully blank. This was what Alice had seen at lunch. This was why Edward had been to adamant on my leaving.

            He'd been trying to protect me. He, like myself, had been trying to postpone the inevitable.

            "I should've waited until Wednesday," I managed to whisper.

            Edward sighed, probably relieved that I was able to speak, and hugged me tight. "I was waiting for you outside the locker room. I didn't want you to go in, but I couldn't tell you. How hypocritical would that be? To one moment be encouraging you to live as best you can with this disease, but then at the first sign of difficulty telling you to run away. It had to be your decision."

            My decision.

            I mulled that over for a few moments, repeating the words in my mind over and over again. My decision. Edward was right—this all had been my decision. To come here, to try and explain this only to my friends. That plan had obviously backfired on me, and now, since everyone would know before school ended this afternoon, there appeared to be only one possible decision left.

            "Can we go to your house? Please?"

            Of course that was all I needed to say, and we were off. Edward didn't even bother with his car, leaving it for Alice to take home. We were running through the forests bordering the tiny town and within minutes were at the front door of the Cullen home.

            Only Esme was there, exactly as I'd hoped. "Edward. What are you doing home early?"

            Then she turned to me, and all maternal instincts took over. "Oh, sweetheart. What happened?"

            Edward slowly, unwillingly, set me to the ground, and I held out my now surprisingly steady hand. Esme took my brown hair and sighed. "Oh, Bella. I'm so sorry."

            "I want the rest of it off."

            My request was met with stunned silence. "Wh—what?" Edward asked. "Are you sure?"

            I nodded, my eyes filling again. "I can't go to school and sit through class knowing that at any moment, it could all just fall off. I can enlist Alice to find me some hats or scarves or whatever, but I can't go through again what I just did. It's too much. I don't have the emotional capability anymore. It's better to just…just do it now. All at once."

            Edward nodded, and kissed me, gently running his fingers through my long hair. The gesture made the tears fall from my eyes.

            This was it. There would be no turning back after.

            Esme had already returned with a pair of clippers. Where she had them or why I'll never know, but she nodded to me and I gingerly sat down on a chair she'd placed in the entryway.

            Edward knelt before me, taking my hand, and gently kissed it. "I love you," he murmured.

            I jumped when Esme turned them on, and tears fell like waterfalls from my eyes as I watched my long hair fall to the ground beside me.

            The front door opened then, and Alice walked in first, followed by Jasper, Rosalie, Emmett, and then Carlisle.

            I waited for the blush to come to my face, for the nauseousness that comes with my embarrassment, but nothing happened. Nothing, that is, besides the uncontrollable crying.

            Alice set seven bags on the ground, bursting with scarves and hats of all colors, shapes and designs. Then she walked over to me and grabbed my other hand. "I'm here," she whispered.

            Rosalie walked over then and sat down in front of me, resting both hands on my shaking knees. Emmett, Jasper and Carlisle stood stoic in the doorway; the only revealing part of them was their topaz eyes. Fear, pain, and sadness plagued them.

            "We thought you might need us."

            Need them I did. The seven people standing in that room with me were my seven greatest reasons for fighting this disease. Without them, I truly had nothing left.

            I felt a cool breeze on top of my head when Esme turned the clippers off.

            The silence that followed was deafening, an oxymoron I had never truly understood until that moment.

            My hair lay in puddles around my feet, a reminder of how my life had once been. A trace of what was yet to come. And the beginning of a nearly visible line separating _the then_ from _the now_.

            It was time to face it. My hair had been the only thing allowing me to actually pretend when I woke up in the morning that it had all been just a bad dream. But no more—now that was gone. Along with it was the normalcy I had so despised.

            Goodbye to the hair.

            Goodbye to the life I had once taken for granted.

            Goodbye.


	10. Chapter 10

Author's Note: This chapter is pretty emotional… at least it was for me to write. It's not quite as emotional as I wanted it to be, so I might work on it and post a revised version at the end of the story. Also, thanks so much for the reviews you all took the time to send…I love hearing from you all and I appreciate it!

Disclaimer: Okay, we all know by now that I don't own Twilight. Stephenie Meyer does, and apparently I'm one fan in millions who fell in love with her gorgeous creations and decided to mess with everything and change it up a bit! What are fans for?! :)

Chapter 9- Faith

            As soon as I was able to breathe without gasping for air, I asked Edward to bring me home.

            Alice tried to get me to stay so she could show me all the varieties of hats and scarves she'd purchased this afternoon after her vision at lunch, but I didn't have the energy. Not now. I was emotionally dead, and physically thinking that perhaps being that way was the only possible solution to ease the pain.

            Emmett reached inside one of the bags and lifted a bright green hat from it, which read, "Lights Are On…But No One's Home". In true Emmett fashion, there was a reflector on the back.

            I shook my head, smiling softly. "Thanks, Emmett," I said, hugging him.

            He smiled ruefully. "Just so whenever you put this on, you think of me."

            To be quite honest, the hat was…different. Actually, incredibly bright, so loud I could barely hear anyone talking above it.

            But at that moment it was the most precious thing I had been given in a long time.

            Gingerly I set it on top of my newly hairless head, and nodded. I turned to Esme. "Thanks," I whispered, barely audible to my own ears.

            As I knew she would, Esme hugged me. "Anything you need, dear. We are only a few moments away."

            Edward lifted me into his arms, but to my surprise didn't put me onto his back. Instead, he walked slowly out of the house, carrying me bridal-style. His Volvo was sitting in front of the house, where Alice and the rest of the family had left it before entering the house with my hats.

            He set me inside and leaned over to buckle my seatbelt and after he was finished, kissed me with a passion he rarely ever allowed himself to use. The sheer force brought tears to my eyes.

            The ride back to Charlie's was completely silent. Edward held my hand the entire way, and the speedometer didn't reach sixty. I felt terrible; look at how badly Edward was suffering, and it was all because of me.

            We pulled to a stop in front of Charlie's, and Edward turned the car off. "Would you like me to come with you?"

            "No," I said, probably too quick. "I need to do this by myself."

            He nodded. "Right. Well I'll be back soon. All right?"

            I closed my eyes to keep from crying again. It was more than all right—it was what I wanted more than anything in the world.

            Which was why I had to do it.

            "Sure," I said half-heartedly. Before Edward could ask what was wrong, I was out of the car, running towards the front door. He sat there for a moment before I heard the engine come to life.

            I walked inside and leaned against the door, taking a deep breath, for what had happened and what was to come.

            "Bells? Is that you?"

            No turning back now.

            Slowly, shakily, I walked into the living room.

            "Hi, Dad."

            Charlie turned around, saying, "Hey, kid. Listen, I was thinking we sh—" His face paled instantly and he was suddenly up off his chair. "B—Bella. Wh-what… um…how?"

            "I had Esme do it," I whispered. "I was in gym, trying to put it up when a huge chunk fell out. I wasn't going to stand around waiting for that to happen again. So I just took it all off. It was going to happen eventually, right?"

            Charlie nodded absently. "You're, uh…I mean this is what you wanted?"

            I chuckled incredulously. "What I wanted? No. What was necessary to keep what little sanity I have left? Yes."

            "Okay," Charlie said, pulling himself from whatever daze he was in. "Okay. It'll all be fine, Bella. You'll see. Is there anything you feel like? I was just saying that I think we should try letting me shop for a while. I was just on my way out."

            "Um…some ice cream would taste good."

            "Ice cream!" Charlie exclaimed. "Great! Absolutely. Consider it done." He walked over and stood in front of me. Slowly, he hugged me tight and kissed the top of my hat. "You're beautiful, kid. Don't forget it."

            He cleared his throat, squeezed me one more time, and grabbed his keys. "I'll be back!"

            Then he was gone.

            I collapsed into the chair he had just vacated. I shouldn't have expected anything less. That was Charlie, and I couldn't exactly blame him. I wish I had the luxury of going somewhere to escape the pain that I was causing everyone.

            Which was why, in the long run, it worked out that Charlie had left. I didn't want an audience for what was about to happen next.

            Not to mention that if he heard the commotion I knew would be apart of the entire thing, I would have to answer some not so pleasant questions after it was over.

            I sighed and slowly walked upstairs. I knew Edward would be in my room once I got there, just like I knew that what I was about to do was completely necessary for the mental health of both of us. I stopped on the landing and gathered my courage before walking into my bedroom.

            On the floor near my closet were the seven bags that Alice had bought. Edward was leaning against my desk with his arms crossed over his muscular chest, gazing at something no one else could see. When I entered the room, he snapped to attention, and the dead look in his eyes disappeared and was replaced with a poor excuse for cheerfulness. "How'd it go?"

            "Fine," I said, as cryptic as possible. If I got emotional now, there was no chance of me following through.

            "Where did Charlie go?"

            "To the store. He said he wanted to try doing the shopping right now. I'm not desperate enough yet to have him cook, though."

            Edward grinned, but it didn't reach his eyes. "How are you?" he asked finally, cautiously.

            "Fine." Even I didn't believe the feeble attempt.

            He was standing in front of me then. As he lifted a hand to my face, he whispered, "No, you're not."

            As much as it killed me to do so, I pushed his hand away. "I swear. I'm fine." I turned my back on him and walked over to my bed. I waited a moment, composed myself, and then turned around again. "You know what, there's really no need for you to be here with me. Why don't you just go? Charlie should be back soon and I really need to spend some time with him."

            "I'll leave when he gets back," Edward said, his voice laced with confusion.

            "Now is fine, too," I replied, my voice harsh.

            Confusion turned to pain on his face. "Bella. Would you like me to go?"

            I gathered all my courage, and forced my face to stay expressionless. "I would."

            Edward took a step back, wounded. "Why?"

            This was the part I'd been mentally preparing for, the part where my not-so Academy Award-winning acting skills would have to do the trick. "Honestly, Edward? I don't want you here anymore. So you should just go. Now."

            Edward's face was beyond pain. He was in agony. His hand was clutching his sweater above where his heart used to beat. But he didn't move.

            "Well?" I asked, worry and hope somehow finding their way into my voice. "Why aren't you leaving? You told me that if I ever wanted you to go you'd be gone. So leave."

            Edward took a good minute to erase the majority of the terror from his face. All that remained was the dullness in his eyes. "I told you I would leave if you wanted me to, yes. But I'm not sure that's really what you want."

            My eyes widened involuntarily. "Not what I want? I'm standing here telling you it is."

            "But you went through a lot today," he argued. "You're not thinking clearly. You couldn't possibly…"

            "You don't know what I want!" I yelled, losing my cool like I swore I wouldn't. "Please, Edward! Just go!"

            "If you truly want me to go—"

            "I do!"

            "Damn it, Bella! Let me finish! If it's what you want in a few days when things settle down then I will go and you'll never hear from me again. Until then, I'm not going anywhere."

            I was hyperventilating. This wasn't how this was supposed to happen. Why was it that he wouldn't keep his word now, when I wanted him to go, but had kept it when I wanted him with me?

            I got angrier when I realized I had answered my own question.

            "Edward. Seriously. My mind is made up. I don't want you here."

            "Why don't I believe you?"

            Perfect. He'd opened the door. "Oh, I don't know. Maybe because you've gotten so good at lying over the years you somehow twist everything so you're lying even to yourself now. God knows you've done it before. And it's never really been at your expense, has it? Only those you claim to love."

            Edward's breath shot out of him. He looked at me through unfamiliar eyes. This was a low blow, especially from me, the only person who had him believing that everything was forgiven.

            "So, what is this?" he asked, his words laced with agony. "Payback? For leaving you?"

            "No," I said, surprised by how patient and reasonable I was being. "For me, there are no hidden agenda, no double standards. When I say I want you to leave, I mean that. It's about time your family moves on, anyway. You can't keep staying here without Carlisle or Esme aging."

            He took a deep breath, and stared once again at something invisible to everyone else. Then he turned slowly to me, something I couldn't recognize in his eyes. "Where you are is the right place for me."

            "I don't want you in my world anymore. And," I paused, for dramatic effect and to regain the composure I'd managed to lose. "I mean that."

            "Why?" Edward asked.

            "I'm so tired of pretending to be something I'm not. I'm not a vampire, Edward. And from the way things are going, I probably never will be. So what's the point of this, right? This has gone on long enough."

            That was another low blow. I knew very well that Edward was subconsciously afraid that I was only using him to achieve immortality. I hadn't planned on using that, but I knew it would hurt him, maybe enough to force him to believe me. When he didn't respond, I continued, "I'll be fine. Like you said, I'll get over the cancer, and then I'll move on with my life. Time will heal all the wounds from…this, and as for your memories, they fade over time. Give it a few years, and it will be as if I never existed." I shrugged, and sat down on my bed. I couldn't stay standing much longer; my knees were shaking and buckling. "I suppose that's everything, then. You know the way out."

            Edward looked at me for a long moment before standing up. "If that's what you want," he whispered. I took a deep breath when he flew out my window. I'd done it. I'd managed to do Edward the same so-called "favor" he'd been trying to do for me. I'd saved him from myself, from what would come. Hurting him was something I would regret always, but at least he could move on now.

            "You'll have to be more original next time," said a musical, velvet voice from the doorway.

            Damn it. Damn it, damn it, damn it.

            "I'll admit, you had me going there for a while," Edward said as he resumed his stance beside my desk. "Until you began using our inability to age. That was exactly what I told you the day I left."

            "That doesn't make it any less true," I argued, grasping at straws. "Just because I reworded your speech doesn't make mine any less valid."

            "I disagree."

            "You would," I said, lying back on my pillow as if I didn't have a care in the world. "Exactly as I did when you left me that day. The only difference now is that our positions have been switched."

            "There's also the fact that I don't doubt your love for me the way you doubted mine. How many times have we fought about this, Bella? How many arguments have there been concerning your immortality, the astounding power our love has? You don't want to let that go, love. You've fought tooth and nail to hang on to that, so why are you pushing away now?"

            "I don't owe you any answers, Edward!" I yelled. "All I'm asking is for you to leave me alone! Why is it that the one thing I've ever asked you for is the only thing you won't give me?"

            "Because I'm not going to walk out on you, Bella! Not when you need me the most!"

            "Wow!" I said, standing up. "Talk about an inflated ego! I don't need you, Edward. I'm a big girl. I can take care of myself."

            "Really?" he asked, slowly walking towards me. "Then why are you crying?"

            I lifted my hand to my face, and sure enough, my cheeks were wet. Damn it. I didn't even realize I'd been doing it. "You…are…frustrating me! My God! When I get angry, I cry."

            "Or you cry when you get nervous, or afraid. You cry when you lose someone you care about…" Edward let that hang in the air for a second before saying, "I will leave you, Bella, exactly as I promised you I would. But only when I believe it's what you really want."

            I was becoming nervous. The void had opened again when he'd gone out the window, and though he'd only been gone about fifteen seconds, and as much as it hurt me, I knew I'd done the right thing. But now the void had closed again. Was I really selfish enough to keep him here, if it meant I didn't experience the pain of losing him? What about his pain, the pain in his eyes today when he saw me after gym?

            "Why are you so freaking stubborn?" I exploded. "Just go, Edward! Please! This doesn't have to be so difficult!"

            "Stop pushing me away!" Edward bellowed back. "I'm not going anywhere without you, and that is a promise I intend to keep! Why are you so freaking set on letting me go?"

            "Because I don't want you to see me this way!"

            I yelled so loud that I'm sure even his family heard in their secluded mansion ten minutes from here. There was no use pretending anymore, no use in trying, because Edward obviously wasn't going anywhere. This entire plan had gone nowhere, but maybe the truth would do the trick.

            That also turned out to be wishful thinking.

            "My hair is gone, Edward. I'm already getting sick from one round of the chemo. I'll lose more weight, my habits won't be the same. I'm terrified of what will happen to me, and after all that I went through today…you don't need to be here to witness it."

            "I'm not leaving you to deal with this alone, Bella."

            "I won't be alone. I'll have Charlie, and my mom, Phil. Not to mention my human friends, and even Lauren appears to be stepping up to the plate. I even have…Jake."

            This was beyond devious, and was sadly leaning towards suicidal. Maybe I would make a fine vampire after all.

            "The dog will not be coming near you, Bella," Edward said, walking forward and grabbing my arms. "Never again. He said so himself."

            Apparently two could play at that game, because I was caught completely off-guard. "What?"

            "He came the other day, right after your chemo. I meant to tell you, I swear. But then I fell asleep, and things got crazier, so it slipped my mind. I apologize, Bella. But he's gone. He said he wouldn't be bothering us again. He wanted me to tell you that he will be praying for you."

            I was speechless. Edward had gotten the best of me, and he'd managed to use my own tactics against me. "Edward…"

            "No, Bella. You've done enough talking. Now it's my turn. You are my everything, Bella. My light, my life, my world. Do you honestly believe that after everything we've been through, everything you've done for me and I for you, that I'd honestly just walk away? How many times do I have to tell you, my love? I don't care what you look like, how sick you become. You are mine, Bella. I'm not going anywhere because without you, there is no where for me to go."

            "I don't want you to stay here," I whispered, crying freely now. "Look at me, Edward. My hair is completely gone. It was flat and I could hardly do anything with it, but it was my hair! And you just…sat there while it all fell off. And everyone else…Emmett and Alice were heartbroken! They couldn't look me in the eye! Everyone saw me that way! I've never felt to vulnerable, so inferior. And in the last year of my life I've spent the majority of my time with vampires, and have even been terrorized by a few, and yet this topped that. How do you interpret that? I was always jealous of your beauty, of your damn ability to draw all kinds of attention to yourselves, and I wished like crazy I could do that, too, to be at least worthy of your time. Looks like I finally got what I asked. Want my advice? Be careful what you wish for."

            My words pained Edward. The gold in his eyes disappeared as they twisted in pain. "You are not inferior Bella, to me or to my family. You are our link, do you not understand that? The one thing that keeps us together, the one thing that has brought us closer. No one cares what you look like now, because everyone still sees you. This cancer is a disease. It's not who you are. You'll fight it, and then we'll go on with our lives…together. You are the only one I want, love. You won't be getting rid of me that easily."

            I collapsed to the ground, unable to stand any longer. I was gasping for air through my tears. Edward's arms were around me instantly, and he held me tightly to him. "I'm so sorry," I whispered, as I couldn't speak any louder than that. "I just hate that you have to see me like this."

            Edward sighed, and kissed the top of my head. "You are still the most beautiful creature I've ever had the privilege to know. You're kind and compassionate, understanding and accepting. I still marvel over the fact that you chose me, that despite everything I am, you want me. I love you more than life, than death, than my immortality. You are my entire life, Bella. Don't you dare give up yet, because I cannot survive without you. Between the two of us, we will find the strength to get through this. There are no other options, my love. I will not lose you, and I will not let you lose me."

            I wrapped my arms tighter around Edward, needing my anchor to keep me from floating away, to a place where pain was nonexistent and I could be free again. To a place where I could feel only love and the promise of a better tomorrow. Because at the moment, tomorrow was the scariest concept in the world.

            "Faith, Bella," Edward continued to whisper over and over. "You have to have faith. There was an incredibly generous God who put you on this world, and an even greater God who led me to you. That God wouldn't put us together to just tear us apart. Faith, love. You have to have faith."

            I managed to push out a strained laugh. "I didn't think you believed in God?"

            "I don't believe I have a soul," Edward answered. "But I believe there's a god. And here's what I know: if there is a heaven, you aren't going to be there any time soon."

            "I told you," I whispered. "If you stay, I don't need a heaven."

            "Always," Edward promised.

            I tensed when he pulled off Emmett's hat, and the tears began to fall again. Then, as Edward's cold lips kissed every inch of my bald head, I had no choice but to believe him. He was the most persuasive creature I'd ever met.

            If faith was what I needed to get me through this, who was I to argue?

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Yeah, so I really don't like how this chapter turned out. Like I said before, I may work on it and post it as an alternate scene at the end of the story. But I didn't want to keep you guys waiting any longer…I hope you at least enjoy it! :)

Thanks as always!  


	11. Chapter 11

Author's Note: Okay. So I'm seriously counting down the seconds until I get to read Breaking Dawn, because the suspense is literally killing me. I'm terrified that someone we all care about is going to die, so I needed some solace and decided to add to my own story where the characters we love are alive and well. If my fears weren't getting the best of me I'd still be writing some of my other stories and waiting a bit longer for this one!

**_Also, let me just say that I'm taking a break from the emotional for a few chapters…it's draining me! I decided that we're all in need of a few fun-loving, fluff-filled chapters, just to give me a chance to compose myself and to plan ahead a bit more. I'll try to condense it all so it won't be too long before the emotions come back full-force, but try to enjoy these chapters! I'm doing my best to make them fun and interesting._**

**_And on a personal note, I don't know how many of you watch "Army Wives", but for those of you who do, there is a character on there that has a severe case of breast cancer. For a limited time, Ford has teamed up with the show to sell shirts and other merchandise online, and all proceeds go to breast cancer research. I bought two really nice sweatshirts, one for me and one for my aunt, who survived the disease, and who literally is the inspiration for Bella's strength. One in eight of us girls have a chance of being diagnosed, so it's up to us to find the cure. My grandmother and two of my aunts have undergone chemotherapy for this disease and it's very important to me to protect everyone I love from going through it again. Give it a look. I know things are expensive, but just looking means a lot to me. I'll post the link in my profile, but the website it _www(dot)fordcares(dot)com_.   _**

**_Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, and I never will. But, on a brighter note, 17 days till Breaking Dawn! :)_**

**Chapter 10- The Boys**

I woke up the next morning surprisingly refreshed. After Charlie had come home last night, Edward had gone home to change, and my father and I ate ice cream together in the kitchen. I can't remember ever eating so much at one sitting. But it was worth the stomachache and the ten pounds I gained, because Charlie had thoroughly enjoyed himself, and that was more than enough for me. He talked about work and asked about school, and how I was feeling about graduating in a few weeks. He didn't mention anything about the future beyond that point. Understandably so, because he was probably more terrified than I was. Truly, I was Charlie's only family, and without me, he had no one.

                        He sent me off to bed when I happened to yawn at 8:30pm. I didn't argue because I was honestly tired. Also, Edward would be waiting for me, and I needed him right now. I felt like the biggest jerk in the world for trying to get him to leave, but he seemed to understand. Now it was just a matter of apologizing enough to make _myself_ feel better.

                        We didn't say a word to each other all night. After I changed into my pajamas, I climbed into bed, sporting a bonnet of sorts that Alice had gotten me, and Edward climbed in beside me. I tensed when he removed the cap, and a single tear escaped down my cheek and landed on the sheet.

                        I'm not sure if my heartbeat became irregular or if Edward was so in tune with me that he just sensed it, but he pulled me so close I very nearly melted into him. I turned and wrapped my arms around his neck, burying my face in his shoulder. His cold, hard arms held me all night, forming a barrier so strong I had no hope of breaking it. We lay that way until I woke this morning, wrapped in each other, so tangled I had no idea where he ended and I began. It was the reminder that I needed once again: we were one person, one heart.

                        We were my goal, my chief means of survival.

                        "Good morning," Edward whispered, kissing the top of my head. "Sleep well?"

                        I nodded. "Actually, yeah. I did."

                        He smiled at me, and there was a hint of amusement there. I was instantly leery. "Why are you looking at me that way?"

                        "So touchy," he said with a laugh. When I proceeded to glare at him, he sighed. "Emmett stopped by last night while you were sleeping. He and Jasper and Carlisle want to spend some time with you today. I wondered why he didn't call, and he said he was hoping to catch some of your sleep talking."

                        "Jerk," I said, annoyed but surprised. "Um…okay. That sounds nice. It still doesn't explain your expression, though."

                        "Well…Rosalie and Esme and Alice want you this afternoon. For some shopping."

                        Damn it. That explained it.

                        "_Edward_!" I groaned. "I don't want to go shopping! I don't want to go out in public! I'm not even going to school for the rest of the week!"

                        "Neither are we, obviously. That's why they wanted to go with you today. Alice assume that you'd feel more comfortable knowing few people would be around because it is a Tuesday."

                        "Yeah, well. You know what they say about people who _assume_…"

                        Edward laughed. "C'mon, love. It won't be that bad. And I'm only a phone call away."

                        "How am I going to reach you if I take your cell phone?"

                        "You'll be taking _your_ cell phone."

                        "Oh, well that…what? I don't have a cell phone."

                        "You do now. It's charging on your desk. I picked it up when I went home to change last night. With the current path our lives have taken, I'd feel more comfortable if you had one. That way I could reach you whenever I needed. Please, take it. I took the liberty of programming in all the necessary numbers." Edward untangled himself from me and walked gracefully over to my desk. He brought back a light blue blackberry.

                        "Light blue?" I asked, sitting up and taking it from his outstretched hand. "A light blue blackberry? That's a little ironic, don't you think?"

                        Edward laughed again. "So does that mean you'll accept it without arguing?"

                        I sighed and nodded. "No arguing. It isn't a bad idea, you're right. In fact, I'll even smile and say thank you."

                        He grinned. "You're welcome, love. Now go get dressed. The guys will be here in about a half hour."

                        I looked at my clock. "It's eight in the morning. Carlisle doesn't have to work? We could wait and go later, really. I don't want to take him away from his patients."

                        "Alice will just take you shopping tomorrow, Bella," Edward said, leaning down to rest his hands on either side of my legs. "A valiant effort, though."

                        I rolled my eyes. "Can't blame a girl for trying. I'll be back."

                        I left Edward in my rocking chair while I showered. I hadn't exactly forgotten that I no longer had my hair, but it wasn't the first thing that came to mind this morning when I woke up. That is, it wasn't until I happened to get a glimpse of myself in the bathroom mirror. My breath completely flew out of me. I was stunned. I can't believe the fact that I had been sitting in my bedroom, _in front of Edward_, without a hat on. Stupid, dazzling vampire. It wasn't fair, making me comfortable around him by dazzling me.

                        It also bothered me that my shower—which was normally a good twenty-five minutes—was reduced to ten. My legs were still incredibly smooth for having shaved two days ago, and without my hair, I only had to wash the rest of my body. The tears from my eyes mixed with the hot water as it fell from the showerhead. It appeared that if I ever wanted to let go, I'd have to do so in here, when no one could visibly see the pain I was in.  

                        Once I was cried out, I turned off the water and slowly dried myself off, determined to extend the process as long as possible, for my sake as well as Edward's. I'd chosen a pair of worn and comfortable jeans, a green t-shirt and a hoodie. I'd picked a dark green scarf and a lighter green hat that exactly matched my t-shirt. Satisfied that this was as good as it was going to get for the next few months, I took a few deep breaths and opened the bathroom door.

                        I stood in the doorway for a few moments before quickly descending the stairs. I needed a moment to compose myself, to ready myself for Edward, before I could face him.

                        As I predicted, that moment lasted about ten seconds.

                        Edward was beside me in the kitchen before I'd taken a breath, genuine concern in his dark, dark eyes. "You look hungry," I whispered, running my thumb lightly under his eyelid, inwardly cursing myself for keeping him so close when he obviously needed to hunt.

                        "I was exactly where I needed to be," he said, answering my subconscious cursing. "Did you need something down here?"

                        I was confused. "Breakfast?"

                        "Usually you come to get me before you come down here."

                        "I know." I said. There was more that I should've disclosed, yes, but I couldn't find the words. Not that Edward would blame me. He would understand.

                        And understand he did. "You look beautiful."

                        I closed my eyes against the urge to cry. "I'm going to get something to eat," I said, turning away from his scrutinizing eyes.

                        We became silent as I fell into my usual routine. Cereal, a glass of milk, a banana. I set everything on the table, in my seat directly across from where Edward was perched, but was unable to sit down just yet. I looked around for something to be done, but I was actually angry at Charlie for cleaning up so meticulously after our ice cream bonding.

                        "Sit and eat, Bella." Edward's voice floated through my haze. It was laced with pain, but also with understanding. He could sense the difficulty I was having, but also that I needed him not to see it.

                        I followed his orders and ate in silence. Finally, I said, "So what do the boys have planned for me today?"

                        A small smile crossed Edward's face. "I don't know. When Emmett was here he was singing the theme song to Barney in his mind. I couldn't get a read on anything."

                        "Barney?" I asked, laughing. "I never even watched that show. How does Emmett know about it?"

                        "It's Emmett, Bella. I don't even attempt to understand what goes on inside his head. And trust me, I've heard it all. I didn't even tell you the best part. When he left last night, he decided to be funny and do acrobatics on the tree outside. He got a little overzealous and misjudged the distance to one of the branches and fell to the ground. With the racket, we're lucky Charlie didn't wake up to investigate."

                        I was laughing harder this time. "Aren't vampires supposed to have the inhuman strength and grace? I can't believe he makes fun of me!"

                        "That's Emmett," Edward said, laughing along with me. "He's a constant source of amusement."

                        "Damn straight," Emmett said from the hallway. "Why else would anyone keep me around?"

                        "And the fun begins," Edward chuckled.

                        He ran into the kitchen and pulled one of the chairs so close to me there was scarcely enough room to breathe. He sat down and smiled sweetly down at me. "Morning, little human. Sleep well?"

                        I grinned. "I think I fared better than you did, Emmett. Any bruises?"

                        "None!" he said, smiling still. "You know, after the performance I put on, the least you could have done was talk in your sleep for me. That's one phenomenon I've never experienced."

                        "You're just lucky I'm giving you full control of my activities this morning. I'd say that makes it even."

                        "Touché," he agreed. Before I realized he was gone, Emmett came back with two glasses of apple juice. "Here's to a day you'll never forget!" After clinking his glass with mine, Emmett downed half the juice.

                        "Idiot," Edward said. "Have fun with that sloshing around inside you today."

                        Emmett sighed. "Sorry, Bella. It looks like you'll have to drink alone. You'll have to excuse me while I become temporarily bulimic." His boisterous laughter followed him out the door.

                        "How many happy pills did he swallow this morning?" I asked, turning to Carlisle and Jasper.

                        "This morning?" Carlisle said, laughing. "He's been like this all night! The entire house was crazy with laughter. He was so crazy that Jasper's calm waves wouldn't even effect him."

                        Edward laughed. "Sorry I missed it."

                        Emmett came running back inside and sat back down. "Ready to go, my little human?"  

                        "What are your plans for today?" Edward asked.

                        Emmett's eyes gleamed as he shot Edward a sly look. Edward scoffed and covered his eyes. "I'm going to need a sponge to remove that image from my mind, Emmett. You could've just said you weren't going to tell me."

                        "Don't ruin the fun, party pooper. I can't risk you texting Bella on that cute new phone of hers and revealing all my secrets. She'll be fine, I promise. And we'll have her back to the girls promptly at two. Then they'll take her until seven, and then she's all yours again."

                        "Eleven hours?" I asked, my mood falling a bit. Edward had the same look on his face, and suddenly the room filled with sorrow.

                        "Enough, Jasper," Carlisle said, rolling his eyes. "Don't take advantage of their emotions. Emmett's in charge, she's scared enough all ready."

                        "Hey!" Emmett said, feigning offense.

                        "She'll be fine, Edward," Carlisle continued. "I promise."

                        "Yeah," Emmett agreed. "You have two phone calls, so don't get your knickers in a knot." Edward rolled his eyes as Emmett suddenly lifted me onto his back. "I'll take very good care of our little human. And if I get hungry enough and decide to have her for lunch, I promise to call and share. Later, big brother!"

                        Then we were running.

                        "_Emmett_!" Edward's angry voice followed us out the door. I couldn't help laughing. Emmett's childish humor and demeanor was exactly what I needed after the day I'd had yesterday.

                        "Are you going to tell me where we're going?" I asked as we flew toward town.

                        "Nope," Emmett said happily. "You'll just have to trust me."

                        I was beginning to fear what he had in mind. He sounded way too cheery. "Nothing dangerous or life threatening, right?"

                        "Not for me." Emmett laughed.

                        I'll kill him.

                        We ran for another few minutes before we came to a stop in front of the entrance to a zoo. "We're going to the zoo?" I asked, sliding off Emmett's back.

                        He nodded, smiling. "I've always wanted to see grizzlies in captivity."

                        I gasped. "You're not going to hunt them in here, are you?"

                        "Of course not!" Emmett said. "Have a little faith in me, Bella! Honestly! I'm not going to hunt them. I'm going to antagonize them."

                        Right. Cause that's _so_ much better.

                        We made our way inside, with Jasper and Carlisle close behind. Emmett walked around like a kid in a candy store, completely in awe of the animals. The reptiles came first, where Emmett hissed at the snakes and sent the other children there running to their mothers. Then we went to the aquarium, where Carlisle snapped pictures of Emmett making fish faces. "You wouldn't believe the scrapbooks we have of him over the years," said the Cullen father figure. "It really is insane. He belongs in first grade, not high school."

                        "Correction," Emmett said, turning away from shark that had been studying him. "I'm technically a grown up now. I'm out of high school."

                        "Yes," said Jasper sarcastically. "Right. Sorry, Bella. He's a _grown up_ now."

                        Carlisle checked his watch and said that if we wanted to keep schedule, we had to be out of the zoo and on our way by 9:30. So we ran to the exhibit where the grizzlies were.

                        Thankfully, the place was empty. Because otherwise, we probably wouldn't have been able to stay, because nothing could've prepared me for the show one of my favorite vampires was about to put on for me.

                        Emmett ran toward the clear case the bear was in. He crouched down in front of it and growled until the large grizzly opened his eyes. Emmett stood up slowly, menacingly, and so did the bear, growling as well. Pretty soon, the two were facing off, eyes locked. Jasper started humming western music, and then closed his eyes.

                        Suddenly the bear was slamming against the glass, growling and spitting. Emmett enjoyed the anger and pressed his face to the glass. He was driving the bear insane, and Jasper sent one last, large emotion at the bear, causing him to growl so loud an alarm went off. I was doubled over in laughter, and even Carlisle seemed to be enjoying himself.

                        Jasper started laughing hysterically and said something to Carlisle at vampire speed. "Let's go, Bella," Jasper said. "Come outside and watch this. Emmett's emotions are all too revealing."

                        The next thing I knew we were outside, watching from about ten feet from the entrance. Emmett heard the attendants coming, and turned to smile at us before backing away. He adopted a horrified expression and even started whimpering. "Sir! Sir! Are you all right?"

                        "I-I-I-I don't know!" Emmett said, supposedly horrified. "I just…I just wanted to see the bears! And then it started jumping at me! What do you guys do to this poor animal that would make it so _angry_? Rest assured I _will_ be contacting the animal activist association on this poor, innocent animals behalf!"

                        The bear jumped at the glass again, complying with the anger Jasper sent its way. The attendants jumped and Emmett whimpered. "You're monsters!" Emmett said, running towards us. "Monsters!"

                        I was laughing so hard I was beyond reprieve. "That's was…great…Emmett! Great!"

                        Emmett smiled, genuinely happy. "I'm glad you had fun! Now on to part two!" He pulled me onto his back and jumped the fence, and we took off running again.

                        We went to a museum in Seattle where Carlisle showed me some paintings that he'd seen advertised in his early vampire years. Then they treated me to lunch, where Emmett again decided to scarf down an entire garlic pizza, just to prove to me that a vampire could. We waiting for him to "purge himself" as he so delicately put it, and then Jasper took me to see the diner where he first found Alice, and I could tell from the genuine pleasure in his eyes how much this place meant to him. I was beyond honored to see this place.

                        It was 1:30pm when we headed back to the Cullen mansion. "Did you have fun today, my little human?" Emmett asked.

                        "It was great, Emmett. I can't thank you enough. It was exactly the kind of day I needed. But I kinda wish we'd gone _after_ I'd gone shopping with Alice. I think I'll need a little detoxification."

                        "There's a reason for everything, Bella," Emmett replied in a philosophical voice.

                        "This day was great, Emmett. Don't ruin it by trying to sound intelligent."

                        "Your wish," he said, as we came to a stop in front of the Cullen home.

                        Alice bounded down the front steps to greet me. "Did you have fun Bella? Are you ready for a fun afternoon of shopping and girl time?"

                        "As I'll ever be!" I said, trying to sound enthusiastic.

Alice's musical laugh filled the air. "Silly Bella!" She skipped away to the garage.

I turned to the guys. "Thank you all for a great day. I had an amazing time. It meant a lot to me."

"To me as well, Bella," Carlisle said, hugging me. "I want to do it again soon."

"Definitely," Jasper said, squeezing my hand. It meant more to me than a hug could have.

"Maybe next time I'll sneak in and fight the bear!" Carlisle rolled his eyes and Jasper smacked Emmett's head.

                        I turned to face the garage when I heard the door opening. But before I could look Emmett pulled me into a bone-crushing hug. "Emmett!" I squeaked. "Human. Breathing. Oxygen."

                        A gust of wind flew by me but Emmett began spinning me around so I couldn't tell what it was. Finally, when the sound disappeared, he set me down.

                        "Have fun with the girls!"

                        I turned around to see that they had Esme's SUV, meaning lots of bags.

                        "Let's go Bella!" Alice said, dancing over to the back door and opening it for me.

                        I groaned as I slowly walked over, Emmett's laughter following me.

                        Before I got in, I saw Alice and Jasper share a look and a nod. I looked at her quizzically, but she erased all emotion from her face.

                        Something was going on.

                        Crap. This wasn't going to be good.


	12. Chapter 12

Author's Note: Yes, two updates in one week! From now on I'll try to keep up with this, because my schoolwork is almost done! But, the reason for such a fast update is because we are going to camp for a week and I didn't think it was fair to keep all of you waiting that long, maybe longer, for the shopping trip and the meaningful look Alice and Jasper shared. That wouldn't be nice of me, and I wouldn't do that to anyone. It's not fair when we have Breaking Dawn to wait for, though the fifteen-day countdown sounds pretty damn good to me! So here you all go! I hope you enjoy it, and I usually get a lot of writing done at the lake, so hopefully I'll have some good stuff for you!

                        Also, the books mentioned are, respectively, The Secret Garden, by Frances Hodgson Burnett, Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen, To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee, Wicked by Gregory Maguire, Harry Potter by J.K. Rowling, and Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte. Also, Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory was referenced as well. I don't own any of these fabulous works of art, but I do encourage you all to read them if you haven't. They're amazing!  

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, or any of the characters associated with the saga. I am, however, eagerly awaiting Breaking Dawn. FIFTEEN DAYS! :) 

Chapter 11- Surprise!

                        "What exactly is the plan for today, guys?" I asked nervously from the backseat. As if the mere thought of spending five—count 'em, five—hours shopping didn't frighten me enough, Alice was bouncing up and down so fast I was getting motion sickness.

                        Not to mention that she, Esme and Rosalie were all wearing designer jeans and fabulous tops that accentuated every curve they had. And me, newly hairless and curve-less, couldn't remember feeling so inferior.

                        And that was saying something.

                        "Well, we're going to get some designer R&R clothes for you, Bella. Just because you're sick doesn't mean you have to look it, right? And then, since it won't be long before you're a Cullen, we're going to pick out some cocktail dresses because every respectable woman should have at least one cocktail dress in their closet. You never do know when they'll come in handy! Of course there's the shoes, and perhaps some new makeup for you. Some new lingerie, maybe…"

                        "Also, Bella, there's a fabulous Barnes and Nobles here," Esme interrupted her rambling daughter, who I could no longer understand because of how fast she was talking. "I was thinking that after you picked out everything that you want, we could go there, and grab some books to keep you occupied for the next few months."

                        I smiled gratefully at Esme, already jumping at the chance to get away from Alice when she was in full shopping mode. Naturally, with Esme's driving, we arrived at the mall in record time. One would think that with her sweet demeanor, she'd be a calm, collected driver.

                        Well, we were all wrong. She, like her family, enjoyed the speed the Cullen cars offered.

                        I, however, doubted I ever would.

                        The torture continued tenfold when the four of us got out of the car. These three women beside me were beautiful, better than any runway model the world had seen, and I…wasn't. Especially now. My pace involuntarily slowed so they were all walking ahead of me, leaving myself in their shadow.

                        It was where I had always been, and were I felt I belonged, now more than ever.

                        Esme, her motherly instincts kicking in, seemed to sense this. She slowed to match my pace, and linked her arm with mine. I thought I saw Alice glance quickly over her shoulder, but the next thing I knew she and Rosalie were prattling back and forth—with much enthusiasm, might I add—about the makeovers they'd give me once I was a vampire, about my accentuated curves and beautiful, flowing hair.

                        Tears fell from my eyes and I laid my head on Esme's shoulder. She gently squeezed my hand and kissed the top of my head.

                        We entered the mall and I was happy to see it wasn't very crowded. At least that part of my day was improving. Alice bounced over to Macy's where the saleslady greeted her by name. "How are you doing today, Miss Cullen?"

                        "Fabulous, Ellen. Thanks you. You remember my sister, Rosalie, and my mother Esme?"

                        "Of course! It's very nice to see you all again."

                        "And this is Bella, our sister-in-law."

                        Ellen smiled and gracefully took my hand. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Bella. Congratulations! I didn't realize there had been a wedding! I would've expected a big production from you, Alice!"

                        Alice huffed. "Yes, well. Bella isn't one for spectacles. She wore jeans and went through the drive-through in Vegas."

                        I had to hide my smile at the unabashed horror on Ellen's face. Alice sent a sly smile my way. She must've seen my prospective plans the night Edward persuaded me to marry him, right before the battle.

                        Wow. A week later I had been diagnosed. I hadn't thought about Victoria or anyone since that day.

                        "Don't worry, Ellen," Alice continued. "I plan on having a huge bash for Bella and my brother to make up for everything. That's why we need your help." Crap. I should've known I wouldn't get away with Vegas.

                        "Of course Alice! Anything! What are you looking for?"

                        "Well," Rosalie picked up. "We need a cocktail dress. Midnight blue, falls about mid-thigh. Also, matching pumps…" She looked at me over her shoulder for a moment, then sighed. "You know, you better change that to flats. Our Bella is a bit clumsy."

                        Ellen was quiet, then practically squealed, "I know the perfect dress!"

                        Alice skipped along beside her as we followed Ellen toward the formal wear section, and sure enough, the headless model was wearing a beautiful midnight blue dress, strapless, which would probably fall about to my knees.

                        My eyes bulged when I saw the price tag. I almost passed out.

                        "Don't look at that!" Rosalie said, slapping my hand away. "This is your day, Bella. We're getting this stuff for you. Money is not a hindrance."

                        "Rose…that's not a dress. It's a freaking college education!"

                        She scoffed at me, shaking her head. "No it's not! It's only like…a fourth of a college education!" She and Alice laughed. This was so not fun anymore.

                        "Guys, I can't let you buy this for me. If I never went anywhere before requiring a fancy dress, why would I go anywhere now?" I asked, gesturing to my head.

                        Esme hugged me. "Bella, honey. You're being treated for a disease. That doesn't make you any less beautiful than you are."

                        "I think that's in the eyes of the beholder," I whispered.

                        "Exactly," Alice said, squeezing my hand. "I think you're amazing."

                        "You're gorgeous, Bella," Rosalie whispered. Despite my efforts not to, I searched her eyes for the slightest hint of sarcasm, but they were pure. "You always have been, and that won't change unless you let it. So let us help you! It's all for a great cause!"

                        More cryptic. Something was definitely up.

                        "Can we go to Barnes and Nobles, now?" I asked Esme. Of course she agreed, and I trusted Alice enough to know what I looked good in and what sizes to get.

                        "We'll meet you for lunch in two hours!" Alice called, grinning.

                        Esme and I walked together through the mall in a comfortable silence. She really had the motherly influence that I'd lacked growing up. "I'm sorry to bring everyone down," I said as we neared the entrance. "But I just…I don't like how I look, Esme. There's not much I can do to change that, you know?"

                        "Exactly," Esme said, squeezing my arm. "There's not much you can do to change it. So just go with it, sweetheart. I know it's easier said than done, but this is just another human experience. Chalk it up to that, and when you've survived this and are back to your healthy self, Edward will change you and we'll all be together for eternity."

                        I could tell how much the idea appealed to her. She loved the fact that Edward and I cared so deeply for each other. "Yes, but I'll be at least two years older than him."

                        "Age is only a number, Bella. Besides, I'm three years older than Carlisle, technically. We can't be the ladies of the house!"

                        I laughed along with her, my bad mood disappearing the instant we stepped into Barnes and Nobles.

                        If I could live in this very store, I would. Before I met Edward, I lived through books. I'd visited the Secret Garden, had tea with the Bennetts, spied on Boo Radley, defied gravity with Elphaba, fought Voldermort with Harry, and cried with Heathcliff. Their joys were my joys, their grief was my grief. I'd laughed with them, cried with them. I'd lived through these characters. Growing up, I'd had few true friends. In fact, since moving to Forks, I've had more friends than I've had the majority of my life. Not necessarily by choice, but mostly because I couldn't leave my books behind. Such stories that filled me with longing and regret, such potent love and hate. I'd wished and prayed many times to be sucked into the books so I could actually experience feelings that I never thought would happen for me.

                        Now, however, that I could identify with Juliet and Cathy, I understood that sometimes, leaving something behind is what's necessary to live again.

                        "Anything and everything," Esme said, interrupting the philosophical train my thoughts had taken. "There are no limits."

                        God. That was like finding the golden ticket.

                        I walked through the aisles in a haze, grabbing so many books. I felt terrible when we got to the counter, because I had three baskets full. Esme had no qualms, and was pleased that I'd taken her up on the offer. "I thought I was going to have to pick books for you, Bella. I'm glad you let me do this for you."

                        I was happy to make her happy. Plus, I think I got the sweeter end of the deal.

                        I noticed the large poster above the counter. "Breaking Dawn?" I asked the saleswomen.

                        She nodded. "It's the biggest thing since Harry Potter. Teenage girls are falling for it."

                        "Huh," I said, nodding. The cover was…odd. A chessboard, with a white queen and a red piece in the back. That alone turned me away from it. What could possibly be that intriguing about a story with a cover like that?    

                        We grabbed the bags and Esme ran them out to the car. Then we met Rose and Alice for lunch, and the insisted on ordering props for themselves and I felt like the biggest pig for eating it all. But strangely, after that first day, the chemotherapy had made me hungrier. Maybe it was because I knew I would lose a lot of weight over the next few months, I wanted to gain some to make it less noticeable.

                        They surprised me with manicures and pedicures, and the Alice begged and pleaded with me to change into the cocktail dress. "Please, Bella? Just for the ride home?"

                        "You want me to change into a beautiful cocktail dress, to simply sit in the car for a half-hour? What, is Rose going to do my makeup, too?"

                        I turned to look at Rose, who was in fact standing there with her makeup bag in hand. Damn it. "Guys…"

                        "Just to surprise Edward," Rose insisted, shoving the bag into my arms. "We'll make you see just how beautiful you still are."

                        I closed my eyes and sighed. I trusted Rose to be able to do her magic on me. So for whatever reason, I complied. After the surprisingly good time I've had and the amount of money they just spent on me, I figured I could atleast do this for them.

                        The dress did look amazing. Alice and Rose helped me into a corset like thing that actually gave me cleavage and made the dress look that much better. It clung tight to my hips but flowed nicely down my thighs where it was cut off right before my knee.

                        I had to give Alice that: she had impeccable taste.

                        And Rose should've been a makeup artist, because even in my bald state I'd say I looked pretty good.

                        Esme replaced my green scarf and hat with a matching midnight blue scarf and a hand-sewn white bonnet on top of that. "Did you knit this, Esme?" I asked, meeting her gaze in the bathroom mirror.

                        She nodded and smiled. "One of every color. That way you'll always have something." I smiled through the tears in my eyes, but was unable to speak. She simply smiled and kissed my cheek.

                        We walked outside and Esme and Rose set the bags in the back before taking off. I didn't even realize they were gone until we started driving without them. "They wanted to run back." Alice said, answering my question.

                        She was surprising silent the rest of the ride back, and was exceedingly calm. "Is everything okay, Alice?"

                        She nodded and the silence continued.

                        Alice dropped me off at the Cullen mansion. Everything was dark. She'd taken almost an hour to drive back, so we completely missed the sunset. It was about 7:30pm. The only sound was the wind rustling through the trees. Alice still hadn't said a word.

                        I was suddenly really, really nervous.

                        "What are we doing, Alice?" I asked as she stopped the car.

                        She didn't answer me, only pulled the keys from the ignition Alice jumped out and slammed the door. I fumbled with the handle and followed. "Alice? How about responding?"

                        Still nothing as I carefully followed her. This was seriously starting to freak me out. She wasn't talking at all and Alice is always talking. My mind started going crazy as I followed her towards the garage. Maybe this wasn't Alice. Maybe the Volturi had come after me and done something to her. Could vampires shape shift?

                        Sudden silence around me pulled me from my thoughts. Alice was gone, but the garage door was wide open. This was so not funny anymore. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.

                        "Bella?"

                        My eyes flew open. Edward. No one could imitate his perfect velvety voice. Yet the garage remained dark.

                        What the hell was going on here?

                        "Edward?" I stepped over the threshold into the garage. There was a single candle hovering in midair, and when I got closer I saw it was in Edward's hand. The black tux he was in, along with the midnight blue oxford that could've been cut from the same fabric as my dress, camouflaged him.

                        "Bella…" he whispered, setting the candle on the floor. "You are…breathtaking."

                        I blushed as his hungry eyes raked my body. "You're pretty breathtaking yourself. What's going on, Edward?"

                        He pulled me into his arms and kissed the top of my head. "Just trust me tonight, Bella. Please. It's important that you do."

                        How could I not trust the six-foot gorgeous man standing in front of me, wearing a tuxedo? Yeah. Right.

                        Edward took my silence as submission and gently lifted me into his arms. Then we were running.

                        I had no idea where we were going or what was going to happen, but all that mattered was the fact that I was in Edward's arms again. Even after only a day apart, it pained me to be away from him.

                        I was surprised when we came to the school. The place was so small that even at 7:30 the janitors were gone. "Edward, what are we doing here?"

                        "Trust, remember? You have to trust me."

                        "I trust you, Edward," I whispered as he quickly jimmied the lock. "I just like my freedom, and spending the night in jail for breaking and entering just doesn't sound like much fun to me. I know you want me to have human experiences and all, but seriously…"

                        Edward laughed as he carried me to the cafeteria. He set me down at our usual table, before running over to the other side of the cafeteria at vampire speed. "Well?" he asked.

                        "Well…"I repeated. "It's…the cafeteria."

                        Edward nodded, smiling.

                        "And it's…dark?"

                        He laughed. "Bella, you're much more creative than that. Come on, now. Think."

                        I closed my eyes to humor him, when suddenly it hit me. "This is…where…the first day."

                        Edward nodded, and slowly walked towards me. "These are the exact positions we were in when I first saw you. You mystified me, even frightened me to some extent. I couldn't read your mind, and you were the only human I'd ever met who didn't seem fearful of me. Why?"

                        I smiled. "I told you this, last year, when we were getting to know each other. You intrigued me, Edward. You captured me, instantly. I didn't realize it then, but it was over for me the second I laid eyes on you. It wasn't long before I realized I wouldn't ever be able to let you go."

                        Edward squeezed my hand, and I got lost in his topaz eyes, full of such emotion at hearing me utter just how much I needed him. "I knew you were something…special. I knew because no one had ever defied my powers before. But more than that…I couldn't get you out of my mind for more than that reason. You are more amazingly beautifully to me now than you were then. I never would've believed that was possible. I couldn't remember feeling as alive as I did when I heard you say you loved me that night in your bedroom. That night…made the last one hundred years worth it. It suddenly became clear to me that you were my sole reason for existing. I was born because you are my soul mate. I was changed into a vampire because I needed to find you. The day you said you loved me, each day that you stay with me, you give me back more and more of myself, pieces I didn't even realize I'd been missing. You are my other half, love. We are one heart, one soul, separated into two bodies. But I spent over a century searching for you, Isabella Swan. I am not going to let you go now."

                        Rosalie's endless care with applying my makeup was completely wasted. Tears poured from my eyes. I opened my mouth to reply, but Edward interrupted me. "Please, love. I'm almost finished, I swear. You aren't going anywhere, Bella. Not without me. So when you beat this disease—and you will, Bella, I know you will—I will change you and we will have forever together. That is my newest promise to you. But first, I need you to do something for me."

                        Edward gripped my knees and gently turned me to I was facing away from the table. Then, he got down on one knee in front of me, and pulled a ring box from his pocket. "Marry me, Bella. Make me the happiest man and vampire to ever walk this Earth. You are way too good for me, and have so much of a life to live, but I want you for myself, officially for myself. I want to tie you to me in so many human and legal ways that the knot we create is impossible to break. Bella, marry me, and I promise that never in all of eternity will you ever be alone or lonely, because I will be with you, always. You are the love, the light, and the heart of my existence. I love you more than I do my immortality, more than I ever will love anyone or anything else. Marry me, Bella."

                        I was completely speechless. I had accepted Edward's marriage proposal weeks ago, right before the battle. But in all the confusion, it had been pushed back in my mind. And I was shocked to realize that the idea of marriage no longer frightened me. I don't know what changed, or why, but suddenly the one thing I wanted most in the world was to be Edward's wife, more than I wanted sex or to be changed, I wanted to be Mrs. Edward Cullen.

                        So there really was only one answer.

                        "Yes. Edward, yes! I'd love to marry you!"

                        Edward laughed and had me in his arms before I could even blink. His laughter echoed in the empty cafeteria and he spun me around. Then he kissed me, no boundaries, no pretenses, it was a kiss like we'd never shared before. His elation must've overwhelmed him, because otherwise he never would've been that way.

                        I have to say that I was pretty elated, too.

                        Edward set me gently to the ground and got down on his knee again before he slipped Elizabeth Mason's ring onto my finger. It fit there, exactly as it had that night before the battle. But now it felt right there, like it belonged.

                        Edward kissed my hand before swiftly standing and kissing my lips again. I threw my arms around his neck and sighed. He hugged me tight and whispered, "You have just made me the happiest person alive, Bella Cullen."

                        I smiled. It fit me, somehow. "Impossible. There's no way your happiness could outshine mine."

                        Edward laughed again and kissed my temple. "You are, aren't you, love? You're ecstatic, just as I am."

                        I pulled back and nodded eagerly. "Ecstatic sounds like the perfect word to me. I can't remember being happier, Edward, than I was the second you put this ring on my finger. Is that what this entire day was about? You getting things ready to propose to me?"

                        He smiled and shook his head. "Actually, it wasn't. Not at first. It was Emmett's idea to spend the day with you, but then I started thinking about it, and Alice called, happily agreeing that it was the perfect opportunity, and she invented the shopping day. I spent the entire day preparing, and I have never been so nervous in my one hundred and eight years!"

                        I looked around me. "You planned this? Sorry to say, Mr. Cullen, but it doesn't look like much planning went into this."

                        Edward laughed. "Look at this, the marriage cynic criticizing me for not making her proposal grand enough. Why, Mrs. Cullen, am I sensing a shift in your ways of thinking?"

                        I grinned. "Just maybe, Mr. Cullen, your dazzling powers are too amazing for you own good. That, and the fact that I love you more than I ever thought I could love anyone else. What power you have over me!"

                        "What power indeed," Edward whispered kissing me again. "Let me just ease your worries, Mrs. Cullen. There was a grand proposal planned, but you just looked so…amazingly beautiful sitting where you were that I couldn't stop myself. I hope I didn't disappoint you."

                        "Of course not!" I said, horrified. "On the contrary, you caught me completely off guard, making it that much more amazing."

                        Edward grinned, pleased with himself, and kissed me again. Then, he smiled, saying, "Is there any chance you'd like to see what else I had planned for you, Mrs. Cullen?"

                        I smiled back, unable not to. "Absolutely. I'm yours forever, Edward Cullen. Take me anywhere, everywhere. Just as long as I'm with you."

                        Edward kissed me with such passion it left me breathless. He picked me up in his arms bridal style, murmured, "Mrs. Cullen," before kissed me again.

                        Then we were running.

                        I laughed.

                        Who could ask for more?

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Okay! This scene was so sappy that it made me cry! But in a good way! I needed some sappy!

Now, here's what I was thinking: I'll be on vacation for a week, and I have two choices: either I continue on with the story, describing in detail the places where Edward takes Bella, or I could rewrite the next chapter from Edward's point of view of everything that went on while Bella was with his family, and then his reaction to the proposal, and then just mention the places where he takes her. If that made any sense to you, please let me know!! It's important! I'll write both scenarios this week, and depending on the reviews and choices I get, it'll determine which chapter is posted.

Thanks so much for your support, guys. It means the world to me!

Megareader25


	13. Chapter 13

********_**Author's Note: Oh my Gosh. So much to apologize for! The tardiness with this update is unacceptable, and I can only blame it on my lack of inspiration! I hope it is worth it for those of you who were kind enough to wait! I did manage to come up with an outline for where I want this story to go, and I have the ending written out, so hopefully—not making any promises to be safe—but hopefully things will move steadily from here!**_

_****Disclaimer: I don't own anything Twilight…just the plot of this story.**_

_*****Chapter 12- The Grand Proposal**_

The night air was brisk, cool against my skin. Edward has stopped briefly to wrap me in his suit jacket, and then we were off again.

I had no idea where we were going, and naturally he refused to tell me. Not that I minded all that much. I was surprised at how content and thrilled I was. _Ecstatic_ was the word Edward had used.

The wonderful feel of Elizabeth Masen's ring on my finger outweighed my reservations about getting married. To be quite honest, they seemed silly to me now. Being with Edward, in any and every possible way, had been my one wish since I'd fallen in love with him.

Perhaps my current health situation had an effect on things as well. And I think I was okay with that. I was okay with anything that led me back to Edward.

And he was right: the ring didn't burn my finger as I prematurely feared it would.

I wasn't sure how long we'd been moving, or in what direction we were headed, so I had no way of guessing where we were or when we would get there. But it wasn't long before we began to slow down, and I could see that we were on the coast.

"Um…Edward?" I asked as he set me gently on my feet. "Where are we?"

"We're standing on the coast of Washington State, staring at the Northern Pacific Ocean."

I rolled my eyes. "Well that I deduced, but I don't…understand…"

"Why?"

I nodded. Edward wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me back into his chest. "Bella, when I ran after that first day in the biology lab, I was incredibly…conflicted. I wasn't sure if leaving was the right thing to do, if running from my problems and my family was truly the best way to deal with this. So I stopped here, hoping to gather my thoughts."

Edward paused. I didn't say anything, unsure of what he wanted to hear.

"You know what I decided, obviously, and so I continued to Alaska. Once there I was forced to think about what I left behind, and when I finally did come back, I stopped here again." I felt his cool lips on the top of my head. "It was standing here, on a night eerily similar to tonight, that I first let myself believe that maybe…maybe I could love you…and that maybe you could love me, too.

"That's what I wanted tonight to be about, Bella. I wanted to show you this place, to make you see the ways that you affect me."

I closed my eyes. "I know how much you love me, Edward."

"But do you, Bella? Truly? Do you have any idea the number of times you've made me stop and think, made me take different routes or completely second guess my entire being? I want you to _see_ that. This place…the sheer peace and magnificence…well, it reminds me of you. It is the epitome of you, in certain ways: clear, open, endless…calming…and beautiful. Undeniably, breathtakingly beautiful. You, Isabella Marie Swan, and you alone, altered my entire being. It isn't something that can be reversed. I want to show you the things that you do to me, and the only way I know to do that is for you to see places like this, where the splendor might just be enough to convince you."

Edward lifted one of his hands from my waist, and pointed to the sky. I followed his gaze, and gasped.

The meteor shower was fantastic, brilliant, ethereal. The ocean reflected the vibrant colors, giving the impression that the entire area was on fire.

I stiffened for an instant, remembering…

"_And then you shot across my sky like a meteor. Suddenly everything was on fire; there was brilliancy, there was beauty…"_

I smiled. Only Edward could've planned this so carefully.

We stood there for a few more moments, basking in the heavenly beauty together. When the last fireball shot across the sky, the majestic air that the ocean had held for me before paled in comparison.

"_When you were gone, when the meteor had fallen over the horizon, everything went black. Nothing had changed, but my eyes were blinded by the light." _(1)

I smiled again, and turned in his arms. "And there was no more reason for anything…"

Edward's returning smile was wide. He pulled me into his arms and kissed me again. "Next stop…" he whispered as we took off.

I buried my face in Edward's jacket, breathed in the scent of him. Despite my illness and the temperature of the evening and of my ride, I was surprisingly warm. I was used to feeling content when I was with Edward, used to the fulfillment and completeness that seemed to envelope me…but the amount of happiness and the extent of joy that encompassed me tonight was…very nearly overwhelming.

And I did not find an issue with that.

The night air became warmer as we moved farther inland. Edward refused to carry me on his back, choosing instead to hold me in his arms. I rather enjoyed being held by him, but I couldn't ignore the difficulties it must have posed, difficulties which he vehemently denied.

A few moments later, Edward slowed again. I remained silent as he set me on the ground, waiting for him to explain my surroundings.

When he didn't, I took it upon myself to walk around.

We were standing in a small park, with a flower garden in the middle, and a small fountain in the middle of that.

"Well?" Edward asked, as I made my way back to him.

I did not know what to say.

"Um…it's a garden."

Edward pinched his lips together to hide his smile. "Yes."

"And a fountain…"

"Yes…"

I opened my mouth, then closed it again. "It's, um…it's…nice?"

Edward burst out laughing. "I understand that on the surface it makes no sense, but really look at it. Analyze…and then tell me what you see."

I turned to do what he asked, smirking, thinking, _Only for Edward…_

I walked around again, gazing at the wide arrangement of flowers…which really wasn't that wide at all: lilies and tulips of different colors made a pretty pattern around the fountain. And the fountain itself was simple as well: water sprouted up from the middle and fell along the sides in a circular pattern. There was a single lamp illuminating the park, and a bench sat beneath it. It appeared to be a park along a trail through the woods, with trees on all sides, and a path that cut through.

It was an _ordinary_ park.

I turned back to Edward, my confusion clearly written on my face. He smiled at me, and nodded again. "'What were you thinking, just a moment ago?"

I sighed, closed my eyes. _Lilies and tulips, simple fountain, circular pattern, lamp, bench, trees...ordinary park…_

"Um…just that this seems like a regular, ordinary park."

"Yes," Edward said, coming to take my hands. "It is just an ordinary park."

I cursed my mind. I knew something in that sentence was supposed to be significant. I looked around again, hoping to find something that perhaps _wasn't_ ordinary, that I was missing…

And then it hit me.

"_Trust me just this once—you are the opposite of ordinary." _(2)

Edward smiled, sensing my realization. "Lilies are simple flowers, but their fragrance and beauty and their dependable nature makes them a rare and precious treasure. Tulips are just as common, but originate back during the Persian Empire, and are indigenous to Iraq and Afghanistan, proving that they are strong and courageous if you just take the time to delve below the surface. Everything here is simple, elegant…"He laughed then. "Or as you would say, _ordinary_. But let me assure you now as I assured you then: you, not unlike these tulips and lilies, are much, much more than ordinary."

My eyes filled, I'm sure mirroring the emotion that filled Edward's eyes as well.

It was going to be a long night if I was going to cry everywhere we went.

Edward squeezed my hands, before pulling me into his arms again. After pressing a kiss to my forehead, we were off.

From the distance we—or rather Edward—ran this time, it was clear to me that we were either back in Forks, or incredibly close to it. But when we came to a stop in a very familiar, very unpleasant place, I couldn't make my breathing become regular.

"Bella, please," Edward whispered, crushing me against his chest. "Relax. I'm sorry, but this is important. It's necessary, Bella, for this reason alone. I have to erase this memory for you. Please…give me that chance."

I slowly nodded my head, and Edward set me on the ground in the clearing that I had revisited too many times in my nightmares, the sight of my worst fear. This time, however, he did not let go of my hand.

"When I stood here across from you that day…it was because I love you. I know how insane and…and backwards that sounds, but it is the best thing I can say to try and explain my actions. I couldn't hurt you…and I wasn't sure that I possessed the willpower to make sure that simply saying so was enough. I couldn't think of a better way to ensure your safety…so I acted. It was senseless, it was reckless, and it was the…_biggest_ mistake I have ever made. Grasp that, please."

I nodded my head, swallowing. "I…I will. I mean, um…I do."

"You _try_," Edward corrected gently. "And that is more than I can ask for. Trying has been…_everything_ for you and me, Bella. And I love you for that. But I wish there was some way I could actively _prove_ to you what I felt that day, show you how very difficult and nearly impossible it was for me to leave you here."

Edward fell silent for a moment, contemplating with a serious expression on his face. Then, with a sudden fervor in his eyes, he let go of my hands to rest his own on my cheeks. "Walk with me. I have something I want to show you."

I was still speechless, so I could only nod. Edward slid his hands from my face to my shoulders and down my arms to grasp my own hands and gently pulled me forward. When he was confident I would follow, he turned to lead the way.

We walked for a good fifteen minutes, deeper into the forest. The darkness enveloped me and I shivered involuntarily. "Almost there, love," Edward would whisper periodically, exactly when I needed him to.

Finally, we came to another small clearing. Edward stopped me in the middle, and once he was satisfied with my placement, spun around with his arms out. "Tell me what you see here."

I sighed. I was beginning to hate guessing games. "It's a clearing, Edward. Just like the one we were in a few minutes ago."

"It is different, though. See this?" he said, pointing to a dented boulder. "That was the denial stage. And this?" Edward pointed to a jagged tree stump. "That was the anger. And so," he said, turning to face the other end. "Was that." Another tree was bent at an odd, unnatural angle. "Of course those lasted mere seconds, and then the bottomless pit of depression set in." He walked back to me and took my face in his hands. "I collapsed here, much like you apparently did. I sat here for far longer than my pride would normally allow me to admit. Alice saw me, of course. She left me here hoping the pain would change my mind. But once the wolves came searching for you, Carlisle, Jasper and Emmett came to retrieve me."

Edward swallowed, looked away in…humiliation? "I suggest you ask them about that night if you'd like more information, because I truly don't remember anything from there. What I do know, is that I was absolutely catatonic." He chuckled, the embarrassment there in his laugh. "After a father-son chat that obviously made no difference, Carlisle carried me from here. I couldn't _walk_, Bella. I was so…_broken_ that I couldn't see how I was slowly killing us both. Everyone tried to tell me, but apparently I can be just as stubborn as you are."

"I said I was easily distracted…and I lied. I said you would forget…and I did so only in an effort to convince myself. Every single word that came out of my mouth that day was a _lie_, Bella!"

I put my hands on top of Edward's, pulled them from my cheeks to hold them by my waist. "Hey! You explained this already. Okay? Water under the bridge, right? You're here now. I…I don't understand. Why are you telling me this?"

Edward pulled me into his arm, held me tight. "I don't want you to doubt me anymore."

I gasped, hurt. He really thought I still didn't believe he loved me?

"Bella, wait. I know that you know I love you, and I know that you know I will not be leaving you again. But there still had to be some doubt there, right? You were so set against marrying me. I just assumed…"

So _that_ is what this was about.

"Edward, no," I said, stepping back to look into his eyes. It killed me that my reservations had hurt him so much. "It has absolutely _nothing_ to do with doubting you, I promise."

I had never seen Edward as confused as he was at that moment. "Then…why?"

I sighed. "It…it's actually a pretty stupid answer, Edward. Um…Renee despises marriage at such a young age. And I knew that after marrying you, it wouldn't be long before I became a vampire. I didn't want her thinking that I'd made a mistake with my life before I left hers."

Edward's face was caught somewhere between relief and disbelief. "Is that all?"

"No," I said, shaking my head. If Edward could bear his heart and soul for me, I could do it for him. "This is where the answer truly gets twisted and strange, considering who we are. You have to understand, Edward: marriage and…and the relationships that I've grown up with have ended with tragedies and anger and…resentment. I saw one side with my mother: the happy, go-lucky, don't-deal-move-on side of things, and then there's Charlie, who chose the brood-for-years, don't-deal approach. Both ways left them heartbroken for a long time. I guess that, subconsciously, I swore that I wouldn't let myself fall the same way they did, which is why becoming a vampire doesn't seem to be as large of a commitment for me as marriage."

Edward was silent for a moment, before he said, "Bella, you know how much I love you, but that just seems…"

"Backwards?" I asked, smiling. "It is. Until very, very recently, though, it was what I believed. But I love you. I should've realized a long time ago that was enough, that sometimes people just…weren't meant to be with each other. I was just too stubborn to want to take that chance. I protected my heart all those years for a reason. This was a sure fire way for it to be broken."

"So I guess this was necessary then," Edward said, gesturing around us.

I shrugged. "Yes and no, I suppose. Yes because it doesn't hurt to be reassured now and then. No because this is your ring on my finger." I smiled. "And it fits there."

Edward smiled back, relieved. "I'm sorry I frightened you by bringing you back here. I just didn't want Forks to be filled with any more unpleasant memories than necessary."

I hugged him tightly, and we stood there for a few moments. Then I laughed, hoping to ease the tension. "_Please_ tell me this wasn't where you had originally planned to propose to me."

I felt Edward smile. "No. We have one more stop to make. Come here."

He lifted me into his arms and held me against his chest. "Let's go."

It wasn't long before I recognized the path we were on. When we arrived in our meadow, I gasped.

Edward had transformed it completely. Candles outlined the exterior, plunging it into a soft, subtle darkness. There was a picnic basket in the middle, on top of a white and red checkered blanket.

"Edward!" I breathed, as he gently set me on top of the blanket. He flashed me his signature crooked grin, before leaning away and pressing the button on a portable CD player. The calming, beautiful sound of Edward playing the piano filled the clearing, and I smiled up at him again. "This is amazing, Edward. Thank you."

"You're welcome," he said, returning my smile. Then he reached into the picnic basket and pulled out a plate of spaghetti, a small plate of breadsticks, and a bottle of sparkling cider.

I was suddenly ravenous, and quickly took the fork he held out to me. "Um," I moaned. "Edward, this is fantastic. Is this from the restaurant in Port Angeles?"

He smirked. "Would you believe me if I told you I made it?"

I froze, my fork half-way to my mouth. "Really?"

Edward frowned, nodded. "I thought you said you liked it.

I did like it. I _loved_ it. I was beyond touched. "No, I do, really. It just saddens me…the one thing I could do better than you, gone."

Edward laughed. "Be optimistic, my love. Maybe you're just so ravenous your mind is playing tricks on you."

I smiled. "Wishful thinking, but I appreciate it."

Edward took my fork from my hand and began feeding me. I chewed thoughtfully before saying, "So did you really think I wouldn't figure it out?"

"What?" Edward asked, holding another bite up for me.

"This," I said, gesturing to the candles around me. "Everything. Did you really believe that I wouldn't figure out what was going on?"

"I thought you might," Edward said. "But then I thought back to prom, and how you missed something so obvious. My fingers were crossed that tonight would be the same thing."

I smiled, and finished eating. Edward had even whipped up a chocolate cake for me, but after his marvelous dinner, I couldn't consume another bite.

After he threw the plates in the basket, Edward blew out the candles and pulled me into his arms. We lay there for a while, basking in the happiness we found together. Edward would occasionally reach for my left hand, and run his fingers adoringly over the beautiful ring on my third finger.

At around 11:00pm, we took off back to the Cullen household. Edward being the wonderfully old-fashioned man that he is, asked Charlie's permission to propose to me, and that apparently entitled an over-night stay.

We were bombarded when we came through the front door. Alice nearly plowed me over once Edward had set my feet on the floor. "Bella! We're sisters, now! Legally, we're sisters! This is so amazing! Just _think_ of all the shopping trips we'll have to take for your wedding! It'll be so much fun! I have the _perfect_ dress for you, and your colors will work fabulously with the décor I see…"

Alice was still planning as Esme pulled me into her arms. "Congratulations, my dear. This is truly wonderful." She leaned in to whisper in my ear, "You have no idea how truly happy you have just made me."

Esme's words brought tears to my eyes, and I could only nod. Carlisle hugged me next, and whispered his congratulations. Emmett crushed me to his chest and spun me around the room, singing, "Favorite little sister, favorite little sister…"

Rosalie stopped him, and hugged me timidly. "Congratulations, Bella." I smiled at her.

Jasper hugged me quickly as well, but I felt the emotion he hoped to convey. He winked at me, and with a smile, I felt a calm wash over the room.

"I'm going to bring Bella upstairs," Edward said, pulling me into his arms. "It's been a long day."

I waved goodnight to everyone, and after promising Alice an hour or so of wedding talk tomorrow, we took off up the stairs.

Edward left me alone to change into the pajamas Alice left for me, and walked back into the room as I climbed into his—_our_—bed.

"Were you going to ask me in the meadow?" I whispered, after we were settled in.

Edward nodded. "That was the original plan, yes."

I bit the inside of my lip, thoughtful. "And that gust of wind I felt before I left with Rose and Alice and Esme?"

He laughed. "You felt that? I should've known you would. Yes, that was me. I was heading to the meadow to set things up."

"And Alice and Jasper's look?"

"Jasper was kindly reminding Alice that she did have a deadline."

I smiled. "You chickened out of that part?"

He kissed the top of my head. "I suppose that's one way to put it. But I needed to be alive to propose to my fiancée?"

I turned in his arms, propped my head up on my hand. "Technically, you can't propose to your fiancée."

Edward smiled, propping his head up, too, so we were eye to eye. "I have no reason to be politically correct any longer. I have you now…that's all that matters."

I ran my left hand along his cheek. "You've always had me."

He held my hand to his face, his finger lightly brushing across my ring. "But now I have you forever, tied to me in every human way possible." Edward grinned evilly, and leaned towards me to rest his forehead against my own. "And everyone will know that you, Isabella Marie Swan, belong to me. Take _that_ Mike Newton."

I smirked at his comment, rolled my eyes. "As if it could be any more true or official than it was…"

Edward chuckled softly. "I've heard those words before, but they don't bother me as much as they did now that you have that ring on your finger."

I stroked his porcelain cheek with my thumb. "I am yours, Edward Cullen. For now, for eternity."

"And that, my love, is the most precious gift you could _ever_ give me." Edward's breathtaking smile crossed his face briefly before he touched his lips to my own.

"_Mrs. Cullen_," he whispered.

Feeling a person's smile is a wonderful thing. Being the cause of a person's smile is just as wonderful and incredibly gratifying.

But feeling the change in a person, and at the same time being the cause of that change, is a truly indescribable thing.

So the fast, ragged beat of a heart against my stomach—_his_ heart—made me gasp.

A truly indescribable thing.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

_**New Moon**_**, chapter 23, pg 514**

**(2) **_**Twilight, **_**chapter 10, pg 210**

**So what's the verdict?**

**I hope it lived up to everything you all hoped for. I have a few New Year's resolutions, and one of them is to do my best to keep up with this story! But I have midterms coming up, and my mother is having a pretty major surgery, so I won't make any time promises in regards to when I'll update again.**

**I would also like to say that I for one wasn't sorry to see 2008 go. Lots of heartbreak in '08. My aunt—the inspiration for Bella's strength as I've previously mentioned—has successfully beaten her cancer. All is well that ends well for her. However, my godmother was diagnosed with the same type of aggressive cancer almost a year later to the day that my aunt was. Therefore, while this story was supposed to get easier to write, it has apparently gotten harder. So that may also be the reasoning behind the slow updates, and for that I apologize. It's sometimes hard to write about things that are so close to you.**

**And I also want to apologize again for the slow update. I really have no excuse…and I thank those of you who waited for me. I owe you a lot!**

**I hope everyone had a happy holiday season and best of luck in the New Year!**

**Thanks…**

**Jillian **


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